Unapologetically Me: How Self Acceptance Helps Our Relationships



Unapologetically Me: How Self Acceptance Helps Our Relationships

I had this “Aha moment” about a week ago where I went through a mental process of accepting my flaws that gave me and different take on being comfortable in my own skin.  I was riding in my car after coming from the barber and pondering being unique and how it was greatly probable that I was created with my flaws on purpose. Let me back up for a second and give you the backstory.

I discovered sometime during the winter that I had a crooked hairline and when I get my haircut it makes my hair look longer on one side and since that time I have been trying to figure out how to fix it so I won’t look different or strange to others. So, I asked my barber for suggestions on how to fix it and she came up with some suggestions that I thought sounded extreme such as coloring in the line so that both sides even up or cutting my hair off centered to give it the appearance of being even.  Neither of which sounded appealing and felt wrong for me.  After rationalizing that my “flaws” were created with intention, that I was made this way on purpose left me proud of my crooked hairline instead of wanting to cover it up so that I blend in with everyone else and gave a new sense of confidence.

We were created to be different

That got me thinking, there are no two people alike. What if what I perceived as flaws were created with intention to make me unique and intended to make me stand out?  My crooked hairline, freckles on my noses, toes that are deformed. I have heard people say that we should embrace our own uniqueness, do we?  I hadn’t been fully comfortable in my own skin.  People who aren’t comfortable in their own skin tend to look uncomfortable and come across as they are hiding something causing other to think they are untrustworthy. Which they are, they are afraid to allow people to see them for who they truly are and consequently push people away.

Is there a correlation between self acceptance and quality of relationships?

After the hairline episode, I started thinking about the connection between remaining single and the lack of self-acceptance? If there is a connection between having incompatible mates, work situations and friends to lack of self-acceptance. If part of the struggle we face in being meaningful relationships come from not being ourselves and attracting to us those that are not a good match? Not wanting to embrace who we are  and at the same time expecting the “perfect” person to come into our lives. How can we find the people who are perfect for us if we are not showing our true selves authentically?

Lastly, I wanted to share a few benefits of self-acceptance that translate to becoming irresistible and thus helping you more towards true self-acceptance. When you are comfortable in your own skin, you relax more, your smile is natural and you are not afraid to make eye contact with others.  A person with self-confidence will speak with authority, command a presence when they enter a room thus drawing attraction to themselves.  Knowing yourself helps you weed through incompatible mates faster and hopefully saving you from a  heartbreak and unnecessary drama and frustration.  

Nicole is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Georgia. She has a private practice located in Atlanta, GA. She specializes in forming healthy relationships, anger management, depression, anxiety, interpersonal deficits and trauma.

More by Nicole Tholmer

How to Protect Yourself from Unhealthy Relationships