After years of working as an LMFT PhD marriage counselor, which I still do, I began to offer coaching and readings for marriages too. Working with many couples taught me that an essential synthesis of the issues playing out is valuable. I’ll explain more below.
Each couples’ challenge points to a shared challenge, plus two distinct opportunities for individual growth. The challenge that occurs in a relationship is the result of unresolved issues within each person.
A need for designing a new approach to an old challenge
We need to creatively design a new approach to an old challenge. Simultaneously we need to address the unresolved individual issue for each member of the couple.
By reading below the surface as a heart-telepath, I can identify unresolved issues and the source of these issues. From here we can clear, transform, or simply add compassionate consciousness. This way, each individual works on their own part of the situation, which is part of the reason the two came together.
In addition, there is now a shared issue. New ways of asking, inviting, saying yes, and saying no are required. We can discuss all of this too.
Here are some examples of people who benefited from learning of the under layers in a relationship challenge. These are actually composite cases, illustrating very common situations I have dealt with repeatedly with different couples.
Learning to better parent yourself
Kelly and David kept hurting each other’s’ feelings which were not either’s intention. David came to understand that Kelly’s need to have time to herself was indicative of her full commitment to her wellbeing, which contributed wonderfully to his well being.
His assumption that she was very independent and did not really want to be close was inaccurate. His need came from a lack of attention as a child. Coming to understand this, he learned to better parent himself, and to feel more at ease in general.
Case example: A marriage made better
Kelly initially felt angry at Dave, calling him “clingy”.
As she came to understand the under layers causing his response to their shared challenge, she realized he was a deeply sensitive person, dealing in a positive and upfront way with all emotional issues that came into his consciousness.
She gained a profound respect for how he was navigating his life.
Sensitive herself, though in another way, she simply needed articulation to understand her beloved’s different approach to life. The marriage could continue in a more satisfying way of love from the new-found clarity in both parties involved.
Case example: A marriage released
Candice forever aimed to uphold the relationship in honesty.
Unfortunately, Ricardo had no desire for honesty. Candice kept trying to change and fix herself in hopes that Ricardo would change.
The issue for Candice was to learn that she could not heal others. She actually was a healer in real life so her tendency was to assume everyone desired the highest honesty and healing. She came to understand that she could facilitate healing for those requesting healing, but not for anyone else.
Through years of suffering, she ended up needing support to leave an unworkable situation.
A healthy couple-ship will never grow in a bedding of lies. Having this beautiful trait of healing-focus of hers articulated to her, gave her the courage to step out of a situation that was not resolvable.
Ricardo was not interested in ending an alcohol and drug addiction, nor in being honest about his infidelity lies.
Candice was run down from it all. Once she stepped away she prospered emotionally, physically and financially. Now ready to date, she has hawk eyes in place of dream ones. She will look for a man who is her equal instead of a client, or an unwilling client.
Clarity offered can deepen the bond as well as help in letting go
Sometimes the clarity offered by a heart telepath helps people to bond more deeply. Other times it helps someone who is getting ready to go to go.
Either way, the heart telepath supplies the outside insights, but the client must always follow his or her own heart, soul, and inside guidance.