Marriage Connection: Do Opposites Really Attract in a Marriage?

Do Opposites Really Attract in a Marriage

Do opposite personalities attract each other in a romantic relationship? Perhaps, there is an initial intrigue, when our own, personal individual vulnerability is admiring other’s traits, which are different than ours, while at the same time, hoping to achieve a balanced romantic relationship. What often happens, is that with time, in the married relationship, once a comfort zone has been established, within that relationship, there is often the need to change the other, in order to make them see things and think as you do.

The results then, according to one or the other partner, is that there is a “failure in communication.”

This can be the time when love, acceptance, and forgiveness of the opposite partner’s viewpoints need to be acknowledged. Maintaining positive attachment, and working back to the initial harmonious attraction as a couple becomes the goal. And, at the same time, trusting and validating your own traits and individuality. Walking side by side, rather than in fusion can develop into a healthier relationship.

Managing one’s individual emotional life, sorting out internal conflicts, unresolved or unattended, difficult emotions from the past can also begin to surface. Detaching and letting go of negative thoughts and emotions, will again guide back the feelings of the loving couple and your partnership.

We cannot erase our past. If we forget our past, we forget ourselves. We are our past.

As the work continues towards a healthy individual emotional growth, a couple can begin to apply strategic models. This begins with validation and the respect of the other’s differences in points of view. While also reducing emotionally charged memories which trigger overwhelming reactions.  

Emotional regulation; awareness of overwhelming thoughts, from negative to positive, can help one stay balanced, during difficult moments. Self -awareness of one’s internal conflicts between thoughts, emotions and feelings, will reduce symptoms of acute distress, which often result in mood imbalances such as, depression/anxiety.

Nurturing your authentic-self, while at the same time, working at finding resolutions to differences between you and your partner is the path to emotional wisdom as a couple.

The path to Emotional Wisdom is Emotional Freedom.

The soul is strong. Human beings adapt.

Observe your character vulnerabilities as your personal strengths.

Observe the person you fell in love with, for better understanding of their points of view, even when they feel different than your own.

Be a good listener. Pause. Couples like being heard.

Say what you need and mean what you say. If you need to walk away, tell your partner that you are walking away, however, you are coming back. Avoid attachment insecurities.

Stay away from blaming, or criticizing the other.

Stay away from what you can’t control.

Stay away from negativity.

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Claire Vines
Psychologist, DAPA, LMFT
Claire is a Doctor of Psychology- Clinical- nominated as Diplomate with the APA board, in Marriage & Family Therapy-PTSD Clinician. 49070 Licensed/ Certified.
Her devotion is to guide, direct and assist couples/ individuals in the emotional direction they seek, an improved life path, coping strategies, and solutions to difficult, unresolved emotional conflicts.

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