“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”– Rumi
Getting back into the world of dating can be frightening, especially when we may be wounded from past relationships or traumas. These past experiences can create unconscious blocks and low self-esteem that result in holding us back from finding true love.
However, we must work on ourselves first before we get back into the dating scene.
See this as an opportunity to be able to focus on yourself. Due to past relationships, we may feel as if we’ve lost a part of ourselves. We must learn to reclaim our identity as an individual and let go of all the baggage we’ve been carrying in order to move on.
Let’s take a look at how 3 simple steps can transform your dating life –
1. Let go of the past
It is so important to ditch the assumption that we are fragile and broken. Staying in a consistent thought pattern that we are hurt and can’t take another heartbreak is very limiting, especially when you are trying to find a real connection with someone.
This mindset promotes negativity and will only cause you to connect with the wrong person. Chances are you will attract someone else who is fragile, and it will only clash from there.
Identify why this belief developed in the first place. Use this moment to look inwards, inquire about what went wrong with the relationship and give yourself the chance to heal. Then, realize that you have always been able to pick yourself up after every setback and start over, and this one is no different.
Let go of your bad experiences and create even more space for positive ones. Take this opportunity to learn from the experience, grow as a person and move forward. In order to fully be able to move on, you must leave your baggage at the door and use the knowledge you have gained to make your new relationship transcend.
Fear will only be generated about getting hurt if you continue to hold on to the pain you may have experienced before. You are powerful enough to take care of yourself!
2. Love yourself
Learning to love yourself is a practice. You must learn how to genuinely accept yourself for all that you are and build a life that you love. You are unable to fully love someone else if you do not love yourself first.
Take this opportunity to really focus on you!
This will help uplift the internal state, which directly impacts the relationships we have with others. When you stop searching for love and focus on yourself, then love will appear because confidence is attractive.
Living the life that you love will put you in places where you’ll be around people who are aligned with your life path, giving you a much higher chance to find the person right for you.
Being comfortable with who you are, will attract the person you are meant to be with because they will fall in love with the real you. When you finally begin to accept yourself for who you are- you see beauty in yourself, others and everything around you.
3. Be clear on who you want to attract
Although you may have great chemistry with someone, they may not have the inner traits that you desire. Take personal time to discover what you truly are looking for out of a significant other, instead of rushing into every relationship you may come across.
Become clear on what your standards and expectations are.
It doesn’t mean that the person who doesn’t share similar values and life aspirations is a bad person. It just means they don’t exactly meet your expectations for the future and probably won’t be a good match for you in the end.
Personal experience –
When I was really clear on the relationship I envisioned myself being in, I started to realize that the type of person I naturally gravitated to unconsciously was not going to be a good fit for me. I started to look for the traits of the person that would be a good fit while dating and promised myself I wouldn’t settle for less. I met a man who was younger than me, and that was never the type of guy I went for. However, I was so clear on what I was looking for internally that I realized he checked all of the boxes. I came to recognize that age was not an obstacle.
At last, I found what I was looking for. I had to release the toxic patterns and beliefs that locked me into a negative, never-ending cycle.
Once you get clarity on who you want to attract in your life, you will be able to get out there and make it happen!