All relationships are more or less dysfunctional in various ways and at various times. Perfect relationships do not exist.
Instead of seeing conflict as a threat to a relationship, what if you see it as an opportunity and a sign of betterment in a relationship?
People are different, and their desires and needs will time and again give rises to clashes. Resolving disagreements in a healthy way creates understanding and brings your partner closer to you. The objective should be to improve the relationship. This is a positive conflict.
Why is conflict healthy for relationships?
Conflict is a good sign. It really means that couple care for each other and their behaviors really influence each other.
Conflict gives you a chance to work on the problems in your relationships. Dispute actually gives you the opportunity to take a look, why your relationship is not functioning well, you can change those behaviors and habits in the opposite direction and get back on track.
Interdependence causes conflicts
Conflict only comes about when the lives of two people are interdependent.
But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Addressing the core issues causing conflict is very healthy in a relationship.
Conflict is actually an opportunity to enhance your relationships.
Conflict is not your enemy, take it as a friend because it brings you closer to your partner. Your challenge is, building the bridge from conflict to passion—conflict is the glue that keeps you together. If we saw conflict and effort as the door to passion, we should welcome it as a true test of love. We should not fear or run from it, or divorce because of it.
Makeup, not break up
As we know now that conflict is natural and healthy in a relationship, now the question arises is:
How to handle conflict?
The objective should be to resolve a rivalry to the satisfaction of both the partners. It’s not about winning or losing. You can “win” an argument, but if your relationship suffers, it means you actually lose something very precious.
Here are some tips on how to handle conflicts-
Get to the root of the problem
Compromise when possible
Stay calm and focused on intense situations
Remember you both desire harmony
Clarify what the person means by their actions, instead of what you perceived their action to mean
Remember your objective is to resolve the fight, rather than win the argument
Lower your expectations
Use a “we” approach, “We have an issue,” instead “I have an issue because of you is …”
Discuss your guilt and fears in the relationship
Listen carefully and a thirst to understand your partner
Control your voice and emotion
Focusing on the positive
Conflict needs your time and attention
Take little breaks, think about solutions and take responsibility for your part
Forgive and heal the past
Also watch: What Is a Relationship Conflict?
Here are some tips to avoid conflicts
Do not break confidentiality
Do not start blaming your spouse
Do not make comparisons to others
Do not expect your partner to read your mind
Do not Make Character Attacks
In short, Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, and it doesn’t signal that the end is near. Rather, conflict should be welcomed as a sign of what is trying to happen in a relationship, and as a bridge to improve communication and deeper understanding.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.