Often when we disagree, we are unconsciously trying to fill an unmet need.
We ask questions that we don’t really want the answer to, or we want to feel the passion in the relationship and think that nothing creates passion better than argument-fueled sex.
To create healthy boundaries, and to manage our side of the fence, before letting it rip, be sure to ask yourself, what do I really need right now – acknowledgement, validation, space, support or nurturing?
Consider these 4 keys to increasing your marital bliss –
1. Before asking questions, be sure you truly want the answer
Do you really want to know how your butt looks in your jeans, or whether your partner finds the person who just walked by attractive, or who they think about when they’re intimate with you?
You may be asking these questions to set a trap and pick a fight when you really don’t want to hear the answer.
You may have more mental and emotional peace leaving some questions unanswered.
2. Create a fight plan
If you’re the type of couple that won’t let the other person get a word in edgewise during a heated argument, nothing will get accomplished in an orderly fashion.
Instead, set up a plan and use a speaking tool of some sort that allows the person holding it to speak and requires the other to listen when not holding it.
Use the conversation to redefine boundaries in the relationship with your partner, outside of heated moments, and see how it works best to set you up for more productive fights.
3. Fight for your relationship rather than with each other
We can get an immense charge out of conflict, and often do so when were tired and needing an energy boost or to test our partner to see how much they care for us.
What would be different in your relationship if you decided to fight for it, rather than with each other?
This brings me to the next key.
4. Be kind
Are you holding a double standard for yourself? Are you speaking to your partner in a way that you would never (in a million years) allow a stranger to get away with?
If the answer is no, then how can you begin relating to them as their biggest cheerleader.
The world can be a tough place, and we all need a kind set of arms to embrace us at the end of the day. Decide that you are willing to be that for your partner!
Whether they are micro tiffs or major blow ups, you can get back on track (and stay on track) after disagreements with your spouse.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Jennifer Longmore