Pregnancy, as we know, can be one of life’s most exciting times for a married couple. Unexpected pregnancies, however, can be a different experience. Just because a couple finds themselves with a baby on the way, does not necessarily mean that they are ready to start a family.
Here are some coping tips for married couples that find themselves suddenly and “unexpectedly expecting”:
You can complain
Many married couples report an unexpected pregnancy as stressful due to feelings of guilt about keeping the baby, despite not feeling ready for parenthood. A couple might feel guilty complaining simply because they feel as though they are complaining about the baby, itself. You can be disappointed about a possible drastic life change that you didn’t see coming, however.
If you are a married couple and find yourselves stressed out about an unexpected pregnancy, taking the time to share this with your partner can be a cathartic experience for you both. Just because you learn you are able to have children does not necessarily mean you feel ready to commit to this decision. Having an open and honest talk with your spouse can not only have therapeutic value but can also bring you closer. A conversation where your share your fears about parenthood can also help you make a decision on how to move forward with this news, together, which can promote solidarity as a couple.
You can adjust
Studies show that couples who started families by virtue of a surprise pregnancy often report having to make major adjustments as they commit to their new decision. You might have many “adult” plans on the calendar such as weddings or travel plans. While it might be overwhelming to cancel plans and possibly lose money in the process, it is highly likely that adjustments can be made, so you might not have any big penalties or problems in doing so.
With time, learning to make adjustments can get easier. Making adjustments, together, as a couple can also be a bonding experience as you both go through the changes – together that can prepare you for parenthood.
You can take a beat
Research shows that most surprise pregnancies are discovered within the first trimester. Not every couple who experiences an unexpected pregnancy determines what to do about it right away. If you find yourself in this position and are unsure how you feel about it, you might want to take a moment to process your thoughts and emotions on the matter.
Jointly deciding to delay your decision can possibly help you make a better decision than if you were to rush into it. Waiting until you feel ready to make a decision, together, can be a good idea to make sure your aren’t letting your feelings of being emotionally overwhelmed cloud your judgement.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Denise Limongello