When we talk about relationships conflicts, we mostly think on how to improve the connection with our partner. We try to improve the communication, to enhance the bond, or simply to make things more amicable, and more romantic. Sometimes, we try to improve trust, confidence, respect, so the relationship can become manageable.
Mistakenly, most of the time we overlook the importance of physical connection on this voyage. Put it in other words, somehow we deny the importance of sex connection.
Here, we are not referring to a promiscuous sexual behavior, which usually is a false attempt to solve inners conflicts through reckless sex encounters. This behavior in itself deserves a different analytical approach. Rather, we are talking about using the physical connection to intensify and solidify sex activity with your partner as a way to diminish conflict and perhaps to enhance the connection and ultimately to improve the relationship
When dealing with conflicts in our relationships, the sex desire is also deteriorated, not because of lack of desire in itself, but because the conflict has created the scenario for that.
Your sexual libido is not the problem, but the attraction to your partner has diminished.
Not only what, but how, when, and where
Jared Diamond in his book, ‘Guns, Germs, and Steel’, states that the decadence of the horde was due to a massive manifestation of a libidinal expression of the human kind. This phenomenon gave birth to the tribe.
While in this case, the sex drive provoked a modification on the structure of the primitive society, it is obvious that sex is a powerful tool that elicits change in human dynamics. From this perspective, it would be accurate to say that sex has a paramount influence in society and its transformation, and consequently in dyadic relationships. The benevolence of this influence remains on how sex it is used.
Since throughout history, sex has been the basic component on people’s lives, aside from pleasure and psychical satisfaction, implementing it, as a tool to enhance and recreate a better ambience in our relationships would be perfectly appropriate.
The philosopher Max Scheler sustains that there are three basic human instincts – nourishment, power, and reproduction. Each one of them creates social phenomena ramifications. In accordance with this theory, the family origins, has its roots on the instinct of reproduction. In a couple, whether they are in that stage or not, sex still seems to be a relevant component in their life.
What is enough and appropriate?
As we know, we all are different. Sex desire and the need for satisfaction also varies for each person. In addition, it would be necessary to establish a point of mediation, so to speak, in terms of intensity and regularity. The key point seems to be how often it is enough.
To begin with, it is recommendable that a good dose of communication pertaining to this issue starts from there. Obviously, they will not have equal intensity, but there is one more needed than the other, and it needs clearance in advance, hopefully before the crisis start.
You may be thinking, who would be interested in sex if there is a conflict, rage or resentment towards your partner. You are right on this logic, but if you are really trying to enhance the flame of the relationship, it would be recommendable to explore that department and to create the proper environment for that to happen.
While sex might not be, and in some cases, will not be the response for relationship conflicts, yet it would be something worth trying for. We are far from implying that sex is the panacea for relationships’ issues, but rather encouraging couples to try it and to taste on their own.
After all, Kamasutra has been around for many years.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.