Pornographic videos are indeed where many people get their first idea of what sexual relations are all about. Unfortunately for them, what is depicted in your average porno is rather unrealistic in terms of sex.
What this article will do is give you a good idea of some homework exercises for you and your partner to do to make your sex life more fulfilling for both of you. And like when you were back in elementary school, you will have to do your homework before you can play!
What is the real purpose of homework?
If you ask most students, they will scowl and mention something about homework just being “busy work.” Ask a teacher and they will say something to the tune of “Homework reinforces the main points from what was gone over in class. If it is well thought out, not only will it reinforce what was taught in class, it will ask the students to extrapolate from any conclusions and predict what may be coming up next.”
Ask an athlete about homework, and you will get a reply which states something akin to “The more you practice, the better you will get. Muscle memory is important and repetition will create just that.” So three different sources, three different views on the purpose of homework.
When it comes to sex therapy homework
This type of homework should definitely not be viewed as busy work unless one partner is there and not particularly interested in improving his or her sex life. That participant is wasting everybody’s time. Now if we move on to what the teacher defined as homework, in the context of sex therapy, there is a great deal of sense.
What you will learn in sex therapy is just the beginning, and by engaging in “homework exercises” you will learn not only the fundamentals of what constitutes good sex for each partner, you will also learn to broaden your horizons and try things you may have never thought about before.
The more you try what you have been taught in sex therapy, the more skillful you will become.
Good sex just does not happen with one go. There is that old cliche: practice makes perfect. Of course, you do not want to practice to the point of exhaustion…but then again, maybe you won’t be able to stop until you are worn out!
Make sure your sex therapist is legitimate
If you are thinking about seeing a sex therapist, first do your research and make sure this person has the right academic background and credentials. Do not assume that because they have a bunch of initials after the name on their business card, that these are meaningful or real. Do your Google research and critically question everything you read. Charlatans are a dime a dozen when it comes to sex therapists.
Ask where they got their training, and whether they belong to any professional organizations or associations.
Only after you have determined the legitimacy of this professional therapist should you have your first appointment.
What sort of homework should you expect?
First off, if your sex therapist does not give you anything to work on (they may not call it homework per se, but “follow up” or “actions to take before the next appointment”), then find another therapist.
Sex therapy, like all therapy, is not a one-shot deal. You do not suddenly get answers for all that ails you in one appointment and leave as a new sex superstar. You do have to work on the actions your therapist advises during your appointment.
The first homework assignment is
To communicate. Communication is the number one obstacle between partners. Being open and honest can be terribly difficult for one or both partners, and the sex therapist will give you specific questions to open up channels of communication as homework. These questions might be the same (or similar to) as these:
- When do you feel sexiest?
- When do you feel least sexy?
- What do I do in bed that you really like?
- What do I do in bed that turns you off?
- If there were one thing which you would like me to do when we are making love that we have not done, what would it be?
The purpose of this homework is
To lead to better communication specifically in the bedroom and to build on emotional connections, thus strengthening the relationship. The next meeting with the sex therapist may include further delving into your interpersonal communication, and may involve homework questions like these:
- What have I done to make you feel loved this week? What could I do better in this regard?
- How can we make intimacy a priority?
- Tell me what you need in bed to feel pleasure.
Now you have seen the sorts of questions that are used in homework given by sex therapists. Take some time this weekend or on date night and discuss a couple of the questions with your significant other. To really finish off the evening (or afternoon or morning), ask your partner what he or she would like for extra credit. You might want to add that spelling will indeed be graded and no late assignments accepted.