Perfect couple, great sex! The couple are expecting a baby! The baby soon arrives; and on come the brakes! What happened to that great sex? How do you achieve that great sex now that you have an infant and they need so much attention & you are completely sleep deprived? What happens when they’re toddlers and, coming into your room unannounced? What happens when they are children and, are screaming outside the door while fighting with one another?
How do you achieve sexual bliss in your marriage again?
These are questions heard regularly from clients. It is a task to maintain sexual bliss once you have children. Difficult, without a doubt! I still believe every couple can maintain, if they are willing to put forth the effort, an AMAZING sex life!
Here are some thoughts:
Begin early by establishing a good sleep schedule. If you can keep them out of your bedroom, do it! This could be imperative to the success of your sex life for the next 5 to 10 years! If they are one of those wonderful colicky babies that need lots of attention, or you are a breastfeeding mom, rest assured there are still ways you can get back to some sort of sexual normalcy before the baby turns 10! Scheduled sex does not bear the same level of spontaneity you might have once enjoyed, but it allows you moments to reconnect intimately without waiting until your child is out of diapers. Hire a sitter for the evening or even the afternoon. Even if only for a couple of hours, it could mean the beginning of reclaiming your sexual self once you have had a baby.
Use this time to reestablish your sex life! You should have them in their own bed at this point. If they are crawling out of their bed, use a gate. Nifty little gates are wonderful for keeping kids out of the kitchen, but, more importantly, even more wonderful for keeping them in their bedrooms. Interruptions will still happen amid the steamy rendezvous, but they won’t be barging in on you. You should have no worries that they will be traumatized from seeing you having sex. Just like when they’re infants, make sure to plan date nights. Even better, schedule nights away at a hotel. Swap houses with your parents, your siblings, or your in-laws. Take the baby to them and, reclaim your house by setting up a nice romantic evening at home.
It is time to teach self-control and responsibility. They should be able to entertain themselves for a decent amount of time. Turn up the radio & lock that door. Buy a white noise machine. Continue to take time out for dates, and 4-5 night trips are completely acceptable to take WITHOUT the children.
For those that argue for “Attachment Parenting,” I argue that kids are happier, healthier, and more secure when they have happy parents who are in love.