Sex is just sex. But if you add loving your spouse to the equation then sex can be turned into “making love”. I know, I know, that sounds clichéd. There is truth in that statement though. There have been times when I am not in the mood to get down and sex does not mean the same to me as the times that I am absolutely in that moment. Let’s break it down. Here are some differences between sex and actual physical intimacy (making love):

Making love

1. Transparency

Transparency with your spouse should be practiced in every aspect of your relationship. Being open and honest about everything allows both you and your spouse to know each other in a deep way. Which allows you both to be completely comfortable with one another.

Having transparency should transfer over into your sex life as well. There is an unparalleled occurrence when both the people in a marriage can openly share anything to each other, including what they enjoy and what they do not enjoy in bed. Not to mention better sex.

2. Emotional satisfaction

My husband and I can always see a difference when we connect deeply while making love. There have been times when it feels as though we are worlds apart yet sitting right next to each other or, sometimes, actually having “just sex”. In those moments, more times than not, I realize that we have not really made love in a while and feel the need to make that emotional connection. After we come together and meet each other in that space, we both feel like we are on the same page again.

3. Deeper connection

It has been brought to my attention that my husband feels the most loved when I desire him. I have also realized I feel better connected to him when we are actively physically intimate on a weekly basis. Those two “light bulb” thoughts have helped both me and my husband to intentionally make physical intimacy a priority. But not just quickies. I’m talking about real, selfless love making.

Having Sex

1. Selfish desire

It seems that when my husband and I just have “sex”, it is usually because I am not in the mood and he is. OR vice versa. When that happens, there is no real emotional connection going on, just the desire to get off.

What is comes down to is basic selfishness. Neither of us care enough in that moment about the other person not wanting to have sex. It is all about what he wants or all about what I want depending on who is in the mood. This type of sex, while immediately physically gratifying, tends to leave one or both of us feeling a tad used.

2. Physical satisfaction

We are all humans. So naturally, there are times (sometimes more frequently than others) that we feel the need to be satisfied. While this desire can be wonderful, it can also foster selfishness in your marriage when it is consistently about one spouse’s needs.

Which brings us back to the whole selfish desire concept.

Bottom line, when a married couple is not “making love” they are usually just having sex which means that one may not feel the passion at times.

3. No deeper connection

The sad truth about failing to make love with your spouse is that there is less opportunity to truly connect. Sure, you can be the best of friends, but without the deeper connection that unify a man and wife, you are glorified roommates.

Just getting by with quickies or “hurry up and let’s get this over with” type of encounters will hinder your connection and your marriage.

Sex was created to be fun, enjoyable and to connect a husband and wife. If you or your spouse are having a hard time making love instead of just having sex, try to create an environment in which both emotional and physical needs are flourishing. It takes time and practice but it is well worth it in the end.