First-time parents-to-be face the most dynamic transition and are hardly ever truly prepared. The arrival of a new baby or the welcoming of an adopted child always yields a much higher demand on a parent’s energy than was expected. In every culture across the world, marital planning is inspired by family values, and most newlyweds will plan for children. Though many couples may wait longer than was typical of decades past, the challenging dynamics of family life are unchanged.
As a result of the changes children bring, parents often face a decline in their lovemaking after children. So you may think that sex life after kids will be sorted out individually but it takes two to tango and make love, remember? Scheduling time for sex or seizing moments of intimacy may seem awkward and like hard work at first, but once you will be into it, you’ll think – “Hey, why didn’t we do this before?”
Below we address some of the reasons for the drop in intimacy, and provide tips on how to avoid it.
1. Avoid the family bed habit
It is tempting to let the baby sleep with you; and it is a habit that is very difficult to break once established. A child can sleep with his parents for years after he becomes partial to the arrangement.
Many new parents do not realize how difficult the habit is to break once entrenched.
2. Resist the temptation to veg out
Parents are tired at the end of the day. Chilling out in front of the TV or binging on Netflix may sound great, but you might fall asleep and ruin your chance to get intimate. If this sounds like you, keep your energy up in the evening and try to save some for your partner to have an amazing sex life after kids.
3. Use a baby monitor
If you are worried about your baby or child in the other room, a baby monitor allows you to have your time while also keeping an eye or an ear on things. This can facilitate uninterrupted lovemaking.
It may seem a little selfish at first to even think about having a sex life after kids but it makes sense to stay connected with your partner on every physical and emotional level even as things are changing around you.
4. Don’t forget about the babysitter
It is sometimes necessary to schedule some time just to be together with your spouse, and allow yourselves a break from parenting responsibilities. Just remember to use your time wisely. If having a normal sex life after kids is a priority for you then consider investing in a good babysitter as an investment.
Now take this opportunity to not just have once in a while quickies because you are out of rhythm but indulge in full-blown sessions with your partner. Trust us, you will feel rejuvenated enough to deal with the challenges of parenting head-on.
5. Make the most of opportunities
Whenever there are opportunities to fool around – take them! Remember you don’t always have to be at home to seize the moment. It doesn’t have to be night, either. When the kids are at school or grandma’s, and you find yourselves with some idle time – go ahead and be spontaneous.
Have a look at this interesting survey by mattress company Leesa that gave useful insights on intimacy changes after having kids.
If you ever thought that you will get a break to build your sex life after kids, think again. There will only be fleeting moments where you can flirt, nuzzle, embrace, kiss or do other naughty things. Less sex in a relationship after having kids is normal, stopping it altogether is not.
So these are just one of the many ways you can keep your love life alive after the kids arrive.
How long after having a baby can you have sex
While it’s okay for things to cool down for a while after a baby is born, don’t consider the post-pregnancy phase as the beginning of the end of your sex life. There are hormonal changes and feelings of tiredness to consider, take some time to tide over these things and then start getting back to your normal routine of cuddling with your partner.
It may take around 3 months for couples to recover from this phase but don’t start worrying if it stretches to a few months more. Improving sex life after having a baby is not one day’s job after all so don’t go on worrying on and on about when can you have sex after a baby!
How to satisfy your husband after having a baby
Indulging in sex after having a baby can be pretty amazing. In fact, many women say that they feel more sensations, have better orgasms and feel more comfortable about their bodies than before.
Having a certain amount of marital problems after having a baby is common (the 2013 movie Sex After Kids was based on it too!) but it is certainly something that both of you need to identify and take care of. And it all begins with better communication and lots of romance plus sex!
- First of all, start doing some Kegel exercises to snap those pelvic muscles into shape
- Talk to your partner about the need to connect
- Try to de-stress yourself and your hubby by doing stuff that you both like
- Utilize your baby’s nap time for some rockin’ sex sessions
- Divide domestic and baby care chores to reduce conflict
- Wear sexy maternity dresses. Who says you have to put on a sack every time?
Spicing up your marriage after having kids is totally doable!
How often do married couples with kids have sex
If this question is plaguing your minds as a couple, take heart. Do not feel guilty about not having sex as often as you used to. The important point here is to stay connected. Think of it this way. Even as you take over the role of a nurturer to look after your kids, try nurturing each other with intimacy.
So depending on your lifestyles, the frequency of having sex for married couples can vary from once a week for new parents to 3-4 times a week as a few years pass by. So if you are wondering how to have a healthy sex life after children with the kids running around is possible, know that it is if you put your minds and bodies to it.
Maintaining a rockin’ sex life after kids or rekindling sex life is not just a task to do. Consider it as an absolute necessity to stay connected with your partner.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.