How Many Dates Before Sex? Does It Even Matter?

Today, sex has ceased to be the taboo subject it used to be. 

However, when it comes to dating, people ought to be a bit careful about many things so that they neither seem too desperate nor too old-fashioned. 

In either case, they will push away the other person and might lose out on the chance for something memorable. Many people have rules on ‘How many dates before sex’ when it comes to dating in today’s world.

When dating someone, one must be careful before popping up the question of sex. A survey revealed that around 45% of men and women think that one can kiss each other after two or five dates. Likewise, when asked, ‘How many dates before you sleep together?’ 40% of people answered two to five dates.

When it comes to how many dates before sex, it remains a personal choice between the both of you. Nonetheless, let’s have a look at aspects most people consider before deciding to get intimate with someone they’re dating.

What does sex mean to you?

The answer to the question ‘What sex means to you?’ can vary from person to person. Apart from the varied sexualities that people have, some people may view sex casually. To them, sex could just be a need they have to fulfill to them. 

For others, however, it could mean a lot more. Some people would like to have sex only with people they are in a monogamous relationship with. Another group may also not want to indulge in sex before they are married to the one partner they will spend the rest of their lives with.

Answering the question, ‘What does sex mean to you?’ is also essential to understand how many dates until sex with a new partner.

Can I have sex on the first date?

Can I have sex on the first date? How long should you date before sex?

The answer is simple – Yes, if you both want to. As long as you are both adults and have sex on your terms, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with having sex on the first date. You both should be clear about what sex on the first date means or does not mean. 

Your decision – whether or not to have sex on the first date should not be driven by pressures of any kind.

What is the three-date rule?

Since dating is such a wide and universal concept, people who have been dating for a while have come up with a ‘guide’ that entails various rules that you apparently have to follow.

Are you afraid of having sex too early in the relationship? Then you should know about the Three-date rule.

The three-date rule became popular with the TV and movie series, Sex and The City. A show about a few young women talked about the three-date rule: you should withhold sex until at least the third date. The idea is that it gives you time to evaluate the person you are dating before jumping into bed with them.

Is it okay to sleep with someone on the third date?

Which date should you sleep together on? How soon is too soon to have sex?

The answer to this question would be the same as ‘Can I have sex on the first date?’

It is absolutely okay to have sex with someone on the third date, as long as you are both consenting adults who want to have sex with each other. 

How many dates before sex and does it even matter?

The answer to this question is also very subjective. For someone who holds sex sacred, you may want to hold sex for a few dates and then sleep with someone when you feel physically, emotionally, and intellectually attracted to them. 

Whether or not it matters – how many dates before sex is totally on you. If it matters to you, you should decide based on your values, principles, and beliefs.

Related Reading: What Are the Types of Attraction and How Do They Affect Us?

How to decide when to have sex when you are dating: 10 ways

Listed below are a few pre-requisites for sex while dating. If you feel this way towards the person you are with, you may want to take the leap with them.

1. Belief

Everyone has different beliefs and views, religiously, politically, and socially. 

You surely would not like to get involved with a person who has opposing views to yours. Everyone looks for similarities, wherein they can discuss or agree upon a few things themselves. 

With different views, disagreements increase, leading to unrest in the relationship. 

So, many people ensure that they know each other’s beliefs and views before they get sexually involved with each other.

Related Reading: 16 Reasons to Keep Believing in Love

2. Don’t want to seem desperate

How many dates before you have sex also depends upon how you want to present yourself in front of others. 

When you think of having sex in the first few dates, you may seem desperate or someone who has sex with someone easily. So, it depends on the person you’re dating and the understanding between both of you. If you both are comfortable enough, you can have sex in the first few dates or wait for a while.

3. Comfort level

Today’s generation may not consider sex before marriage a taboo, but it remains an essential aspect of a relationship. 

So, until you’re comfortable with someone, trust them, and have faith in them, you won’t be able to enjoy sex. So, people restrain themselves from having sex after a few first dates.

3. No miss-representation

When should you sleep with a new partner?

You won’t want to come out with an easy person when it comes to intimacy or sex during your initial dates, do you? 

Well, that’s what it comes down to when there is a question of how many dates before intimacy. People wait to get intimate or have sex when they’re dating someone. They don’t want to send out a wrong sign at all.

4. Young to have sex

When should you have sex in a relationship? The answer also depends on how old you are.

If you’re still in your school, you need to wait until you are mature enough to have sex with someone you’re dating. 

However, when you’re dating a person, you are willing to wait for a while before your relationship matures into something good. So, when it comes to how many dates before sex, one must wait at least till the time they are above the legal age, and also understand physical intimacy better.

5. Still holding on to your past relationship

Ideally, you shouldn’t be dating someone as soon as you come out of a bad relationship. 

This won’t do justice to you and the person you’re dating. However, even if you’re doing so, then you might want to hold on to having sex before you’re totally out of your past relationship. 

It shouldn’t happen that you are still hooked on to your last partner. So, answering the query ‘after how many dates should you have sex?’; until you’re out of your past relationship.

6. Avoiding any risks

Sex comes with the risk of STDs if you do not use proper prevention methods.

This is because of various reasons, one of which is having unprotected sex with multiple partners. While dating someone, you want to be sure that they don’t have any such thing. 

Besides, you also want to keep yourself away from unwanted pregnancy. So, when it comes to how many dates before sex, the answer is until you’re sure you’re not at risk.

Related Reading: The Risks & Benefits of Friendships Outside Marriage

7. You both are exclusive

You have to be sure that your partner is not dating multiple people if a monogamous relationship is what you want. Once you’re sure that the person is only dating you and no one else, then you can think of having sex. If they’re not, it’s better to park the idea of having sex.

8. You both trust each other

You both should get sexually involved with each other only when you trust each other. Until you both have developed trust, it is better not to have sex.

If you want to build trust in your relationship, watch this Ted Talk by Frances Frei.

9. You both are willing to have sex

Sex is always a matter of consent. If one of you is not willing to have sex, you need to absolutely let go off the idea.

10. You’ve spoken about it

It’s always better to speak about sex while you’re dating before you make a move. This way you will have an idea of what they think of having sex while dating someone. 

Conclusion

How many dates before sex is a common and essential question, especially in the world of dating, where things are super dynamic. However, the answers to the questions only lie with you and the person you are dating.