“He never listens to me”, says the wife.“She doesn’t see what I do for her”, says the husband.
In all my years analyzing, studying, and working with couples, there are always miscommunications between husband and wife. Through my marriage counselling experience, both men and women lose passion for each other due to unknown information. They will say to me “Coach Giovanni, she/he never truly understands me. Please help us”. They speak different languages, and I teach them how to speak each other’s language. In fact, there are main 5 languages of love.
Their Language, Not Yours
As a student on NLP and hypnosis, I learned that different people learn and communicate best through different channels. Some people are more visual, some more auditory, some more kinesthetic, and so forth. If you have to see it to believe it, your wife might not be that way. She might have to hear it to believe it. What is your partner’s top channel?
Check out the video below, Toronto Life Coach Giovanni Maccarrone decodes the 5 languages of love:
Your partner has to see it to believe it. She has to see you setting the table. She has to see you reading to the kids. He has to see you getting his T.V. and chair ready for the game. Tomorrow night for dinner, tell her to close her eyes. When she opens it she’ll see a deep chocolate piece of cake right in front of her. When she looks at you, give her a big smile!
A lot of women are auditory. They’re very sensitive to the sound and tone of your voice. Women can tell when you’re feeling happy, sad, confident, frustrated, nostalgic, and more. She can also say things in a certain tone hoping that the guy will understand her intention. The next time you hug, whisper in her ear how happy to have her in your life. If you man’s strongest channel is auditory, speak to him from a feeling of love. He’ll hear it and will in turn feel it. You can also have cute pet names like “pumpkin”, “darling”, and “handsome”.
Remember how you felt the last time she put on that sweet perfume? You most likely wanted to sit near her, hug her, and get intimate with her. It works vice-versa. For most women, there’s nothing more enticing than a guy who smells so good. It can even be the smell of Chinese food that attracts him, or the smell of sweet candy that makes her salivate. Scented candles are romantic, cheat, and smell wonderful.
So many of us love food. The taste of salt on our tongues, sugar on our lips, and everything in between.
There’s a reason why we eat greasy, salty pizza at birthday parties and at special events. Get her a drink with a salt rim. Lay out his favourite chips and salsa at game time. For date night, you have a plethora of options to eat out. It doesn’t even have to be expensive. I personally love the burritos near my place. In addition, sushi is something different and is easily accessible especially in multicultural cities like Toronto.
As soon as he opens the door give him a big hug and he’ll perk up for the rest of the nice. Hold her hand while watching T.V. and she won’t want to let it go. In my personal and professional especially, touch is the single most important channel to engage your partner. As a baby loves always being held and physically taken care of, adults still have that need to be touched. For most people in an intimate relationship, the right touch from your lover will create a connection that’s deeper than anything you can see, hear, smell, or taste.
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If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Giovanni is a trained and certified life coach in Toronto. He helps people suffering from problems such as anxiety, depression, addiction, self esteem issues, stress, marital troubles and anger management. He helps his clients understand the root cause of their psychological troubles and supports them in overcoming those troubles. He helps them see their situation in new perspective and move forward with their lives.