Most of us are afraid of old age, every year there is a new age.
We desperately try to make ourselves younger. But we forget as we age we will gain the intellectual compensation born of our accumulated experiences.
Over 30 years of age, going through many stages of my life, I care more about how I feel, why I’m happy or unhappy.
I also underwent a change in the recognition of marriage and love – issues that can only be learned by self-growth. If only these tests were not so expensive!
Sharing what I have learned can be useful information for your life because life is not just about the “digital” world.
Love and 3 factors to happiness
In the Bible, sinful passion caused Adam and Eve to be banished from the garden of Paradise.
Curiosity, weakness, and longing for each other are more than loyalty to God. The quotes in this article are written by Gordon Livingstone in “Too soon old, too late smart” book.
The harmony and side by side of two people, which has brought us the leading compensation for all burdens such as hard work, hardships, ups and downs in life and our awareness of our short life.
Most of us hear the three factors that make happiness, but not everyone understands and feels that clearly. When the job shifts from what we really want to do to “must do, “tedious repetitive work, meaningless, no way of advancing, means every day you reduce your chances of getting a real job. Does this job give you hope in the new year, or is it simply a way for you to earn rent and meals, accumulate to buy more iPhones, better cars?
There are people every time you want to make a call, but their attitude makes you more tired. If it’s your spouse, it’s not a relationship that brings happiness to both parties.
The three elements of happiness are having something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to.
Think about that.
If we have decent work, maintaining relationships – those that promise to be very comfortable and pleasant – then it’s hard not to be happy!
I use the phrase “work” to be able to fit in any action, paid or not, as long as it makes us feel important to myself. If we have an interesting job that gives meaning to life, then that is the real job. It is our contribution to the diversity of life that gives us a sense of satisfaction and meaning.
The harmony and side by side of two people is what Mark Twain wrote: “The Garden of Eden is gone but I have found him and I am satisfied with it.” A great relationship will bring Heaven, that is not something after we die, but exists in life.
Love is for only courageous people
Love takes courage. There are myriad ways that love requires courage.
It is difficult to find a lover and partner as you like. In love, you have to be brave.
The married life then has a full range of emotions, happy-sad-love-hate, some people could still keep a good home, some didn’t.
If you’ve ever experienced unsettling relationships, moving on with another person requires courage.
True love requires us to have the courage to face the hurt done by others. Risks are obvious.
When the obsession with security and safety overwhelms us, we have lost our adventurous spirit. Life is a gamble that we don’t play with cards but we still have to gamble with all our might.
We have to accept recklessness, sometimes a lot to win. If we do not act, how can we be skillful from the beginning as expected?
People accept the idea of a cognitive curve with painful mistakes before we become proficient.
No one expected to be good at skiing without falling over many times. Yet many people are surprised by the pain of trying their best to find someone who is worthy of their love.
Taking the risk needed to achieve your goals is a courageous act.
And when you don’t’ believe in the concept of courage in love and refuse to take risks to protect your heart from being hurt, it is a desperate act.
With what I have experienced, I realize that love is a very difficult thing to say. The reason you love someone is also very vague. Perhaps it is the systematic unreasonable behavior that Dan Ariely mentioned in his famous book.
Love and be loved
I cannot force you to hate a piece of music, a movie you like. You also have no choice when you know you love someone. The only thing you can do is to choose your attitude and conduct towards the person you have feelings for.
We love someone when their needs or desires are as important as our own needs or desires.
Of course, in the best of cases, we are even more concerned about their interests or inseparable from our interests.
A familiar question I often use to help people decide whether they really love someone is ” Can you because of the one you love, take off that bulletproof jacket for them?”
This seems to be beyond the norm because only a small number of people are forced to face such a great sacrifice and none of us can say for sure about what we will do if you have to choose between the desire for self-defense and love.
But just imagining that situation can clarify the nature of our attachment to the person we love.
This question you may be wondering about your lover. Whether tomorrow, you are no longer beautiful, you do not earn money, no elegant anymore, then this friend is with you or they will go away.
But if we are not planning to give this gift to them, how can we say that we love them? Often, love or not love is easy to see when we show that person is important to us, especially through the amount and quality of time we are willing to spend with them.
When your friend shows you “there is a bluebird on a branch outside the window”, will you look at it and talk to your friend, or will you say yes and continue to plug your face into the phone?
The answer is actually very clear, through the everyday things you still see. That is a sign that you deliberately ignore.
You only see what you want to see, deceiving yourself instead of what is really happening. The map indicated in you has no longer matched the actual terrain.
The map doesn’t connect with terrain
It is an inaccurate directions map, the ability to orient the future with problems.
Gordon Livingston recalled when he was a young lieutenant in the 82nd Airborne Division and was trying to navigate in Carolina.
As I was researching the map, the platoon deputy, a veteran of the non-commissioned officers approached me and asked me, “Has the lieutenant found out where we are?” I answered, “Oh, according to the map, there should be a hill here but I didn’t see it, Sir.” He said: “If the map does not match the terrain, it is the wrong map”.
At that moment, I knew I had just heard a basic truth.
Watch this video:
How to recognize a map does not match the terrain
The misleading directions on our life map are best expressed through feelings of sadness, anger, betrayal, shock, and disorientation.
When these emotions come to the surface it’s time to rethink our ability to navigate, and how to fix them so we don’t repeat the model of those who waste time to realize that the only comfort for this pain is experience.
How many times have we felt betrayed and amazed to realize the “inconsistent language” between people’s words and actions before realizing we need to be more concerned with actions than words that are spoken outright?
Most of the things that hurt you in this life are the result of ignoring the fact that your previous behavior is the most accurate prediction of future behavior.
Once realized, adjust your navigation map to be realistic.
Accepting reality is the first step in overcoming suffering. Choose the right manners and do not be weak when doing what you choose.
Love and happiness are dreams of everyone.
However, for each person, love and happiness are very different, it does not come to anyone easily, can be sweet to one person but rugged with the other.
But love and happiness always live in the heart of every person, always burning every day. If only one cares for it, it will burn in all houses and in everyone. Love and happiness are invisible strings, but tangible to those who appreciate it.