Intimacy and the Relationships – Understanding Sexual Behaviour

The word sex for most of us is a shame or mysterious topic to even come close or to talk about. Unless you are in a very secretive place with a close friend then the topic is as you are talking about the last football game in public. Well, not here, because you are about to learn so much about yourself, your partner’s secret sexual behaviors and the importance of intimacy in relationships.

Congruent/Incongruent

When one’s suggestibility is the same as their sexuality, they are considered congruent. When a congruent Physical (Physical Suggestible and Physical Sexual) has a thought, it creates a physiological feeling, which leads to an emotional feeling. When a congruent Emotional (Emotional Suggestible and Emotional Sexual) has a thought; it creates an emotional feeling, which leads to a physiological feeling.

Reactions to rejection – the physical will feel actual pain in their body and likely to live the pain repeatedly. The emotional will feel the emotions but work through them, first with denial, then logic and reason.

Determining the quality of sex

The first time two people engage in sex will determine the quality of sex for the term of the relationship and the level of intimacy in a relationship. Initiating sex – the physical initiates sex more often than the emotional. The emotional female is easier to get into bed than the physical because she doesn’t want to create a confrontation by saying “no”. Unlike the physical, the emotional can separate love from sex. They have two very different reasons for going to bed together and both usually fail to communicate in this area. The physical is comfortable with physical expression. The Physical female is comfortable removing her clothes. The emotional female wants to be undressed.

Both male and female physicals prefer the dominant sexual position and feel the stimulation throughout their body. Male and female emotional prefer the submissive position and focuses the stimulation on the genitals.

The physical will reach orgasm quicker than the emotional because their body temperature is naturally higher than the emotional. The physical can also handle harsher touch than the emotional. The emotional needs slow “warming-up” and a gentler approach.

Cubical release

A cubical refers to the amount of ejaculatory release. The physical male will generally release a smaller amount per cubicle than the emotional male, so they can release many times in one night. It is a subconscious effort to hold back what they have. The emotional will release, usually just once in a night and with a greater amount.

Goals in sex

The physical’s goal is to prolong sex because they enjoy the closeness of it. The emotional’s goal is to achieve a release and is likely to lose interest beyond that. Emotional females are generally irritated by prolonging sex.

After sex

The physical will want attention and/or closeness after sex. The emotional want to roll-over and go to sleep or go on to something else.

Oral sex

Male and female emotionals are more comfortable in giving and receiving oral sex than the physical. The emotional will enjoy receiving oral sex because builds momentum for a bigger.

Physicals generally do not enjoy receiving oral sex. They prefer intercourse because it gives them more control over their stimulation and allows them to experience more touching, moving and positioning.

Communication and sex

A breakdown in communication in any area will cause problems in a relationship; however, miscommunication in the area of sex is most common. The physical feels so much during sex, they assume their emotional partner feels the same. As a therapist, get both parties to be aware of each other’s body language.

Cycle days

The emotional is on a three-day cycle:

1. Day 1 – No chance of sex
2. Day 2 – They can take it or leave it
3. Day 3 – Peak stimulation

This may be occasionally exaggerated for up to seven days, however, for the emotional male, it is fairly consistent. Their work priorities may be the only thing to change or offset the cycle. For emotional women, the cycle starts around the fourth day of their menstrual period with “peak stimulation”, then “No chance of sex” after that.

The physical has a one-day cycle and can be ready for sex almost at any time.

Defenses

Individuals, who behave opposite of their dominant sexuality (subdominant), may have a “defense”. A defense, in terms of E&P Sexuality, is usually caused by ill-feelings regarding their normal dominant behavior. They do not accept or understand their dominant sexuality. In therapy, if the client is acting like an emotional, then treat them like an emotional, and treat those acting physical, like physicals.

Just because someone is behaving in their subdominant sexuality, does not necessarily mean they have a defense. They may be close to the middle of the spectrum (scoring low-percentage on the questionnaire).

A defense can usually be seen in the client’s body language or handwriting sample. Educating them on E&P will help them to accept their dominant behavior as what is “normal” for them. You can guide them to owning and accepting their traits as therapy progresses. Be careful not to push them or label them, let them make their own discoveries in the matter of intimacy and relationships.