How Counseling Can Help Couples Recuperate from the Damages of Infidelity

Recuperate from the Damages of Infidelity

In my opinion, the number one stressor in marriages is sex problems.  This includes quality and frequency.

In most of the married couples I see, the sex drive of the men far outweighs the drive of the female.  Consequently, some marriages endure a daily struggle of the wills. The counselor’s role is to help a couple accept the reality of the differences and to find a method to reduce the conflict.

A difference in libidos lead to extramarital affairs

Affected by this state of tension, marriages may experience a seriously traumatic event.  The extra-marital affair, I believe, has grown in frequency. Social media enables people to have frequent social contacts with others.

What happens when one partner begins to cheat

When the other spouse finds out, there is a specific journey that generally follows.  The non-cheating spouse holds on tightly to their partner at first. This shock and disbelief eventually turn into an angry phase.  At this point, they review all the records, phone calls and texts.

There are several critical issues occurring during this phase.  The context of the affair can weigh heavily on the outcome.

The angry phase during extramarital affair

Resorting to counseling to reverse the damage of infidelity

The only way to overcome the hurt and damage caused by cheating is seeking the help of a counselor. But before that, it’s important to answer questions relating to the illicit relationship.

Questions like, “Does the spouse work with this person and see them every day”?  “Is the other person married and have children?” “The length of time of the affair?”  “What is the emotional stability of the affair person? Once these points are clarified, the actual affair counseling can begin.  The most important goal is to identify why the affair occurred. After that is determined, the next goal is to make the marriage better than it ever was.  Because someone has had an affair, does not mean it will ever happen again.

Helping couples recover from an extra-marital affair can be a very rewarding experience for the counselors.  Giving couples the tools to form a strong relationship is a valuable service to offer.

To be effective at assisting couples to recover takes a great deal of knowledge in assisting people with this concern.  Counselors must keep their knowledge and skills highly tuned to be truly effective.

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Irv Loev
Counselor, PhD.
Irv Loev has received a Ph.D. from Brigham Young University and has been in private practice as a Marriage and Family Counselor in San Antonio, Texas for the past 30 years. Through years of counseling couples, Dr. Loev has developed exciting new theories on creating a healthy relationship, healing a troubled marriage, as well as attacking the most important social and psychological issues of the day. With his unique approach, Dr. Loev can help you and your partner come to a new understanding.