It is no secret that there are many cycles of life that women go through: puberty, teenage, childbearing years, middle age and finally, old age. On top of that each stage comes with its own transitions: acne, menstrual cycles, motherhood, hot flashes, aging and health issues. In addition to that, there are emotional intimacy issues. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s from the cycles of life or if it’s an issue related to their personal lives as individuals.  

At a library book club meeting, the subject of women’s emotional intimacy issues came up. Women from different age groups and different spectrums of life discussed the emotional problems they were going through. Several women came forward and narrated their stories.  Their stories explain a great deal what are the issues related to emotional intimacy that women face.

Identifying an emotional intimacy issue as an individual problem

Tara, 27, schoolteacher, “In my house any emotional intimacy issue is something to worry about.  My husband has a doctor on speed dial. He accepts no excuses when it comes to intimacy.  It’s that important to him.  Sometimes I am so tired after a day of work. I love kids but they can tire you out. Then I come home to my own kids and husband.  

It takes all I got sometimes to give each of them what they need from me. Afterwards, I just want to hit the pillow.  I think I have too much to deal with. Instead of feeling in a loving mood, I feel like it is my second or third job. I’m losing interest.  I think we need a vacation.  I love my husband, he’s the best but I’ve have got to find a way to relieve the stress at the end of the day.

Ann Lee, 54, banking executive, “Jamie, girl you are in that motherhood stage, the stage us middle-aged women do not miss.  The good thing about your stage is that you are young enough to deal with it. Your body is designed to be a mother. It gives out special hormones to help you cope. Just don’t overdo it.  Take vitamins, get good after school care and don’t pick the kids up immediately after you get off of work.  Take a little “me” time.  You will be surprise at what an hour will do.  Get your hubby to help out with chores around the house or pay a neighbor’s teenager to help you with chores. If you can afford some help, get some.

I bore David when I was 40 years old, now he is a stubborn teenager that did not come with instructions. I don’t worry about it because at my age you learn that you will figure things out and if you don’t somebody else will.  That is why they have professional people, books, tapes, blogs etc.  After he was born, I started going through the change, having hot flashes and stuff.  I bought stuff out the drug store and it works. I am more spiritual and spontaneous and enjoy intimacy more than ever with my husband.  Sometimes I get body conscious because I am getting older. My husband reminds me that he is getting older too and he has the same concern.  So we both decided to forget about it and get on with the loving.”   

Mia, 65, and retired.  “That is why I tell my grandchildren, they don’t know how lucky they are.  All they have to do is play and let someone else provide the bacon. They want to grow up so fast.  I tell them take each day as it comes. Enjoy your puberty and teen years because once they are gone, they are gone forever.  At my age, my Mark and I are still intimate.  We are in such an emotionally intimate relationship that I did not know could exist.  

We transformed through the cycles of life together. This emotional intimacy comes with time by surviving trials, tribulations and being there for each other. Being confidants and trust worthy companions.  When I look back on the 45 years we have been married, I know I chose the right man.  It’s as if our souls are one.  Sure, we are slower but we take good care of our health.  We are a part of a bowling team as well as this group.  We love to socialize. My sex drive has always been lower than Mark’s. Now he has the little blue pill that he takes and I can’t keep up.   Maybe they will make one for women.  Boy can you imagine what the world would be like? Everyone would lose their minds.  

In conclusion, overwhelming responsibilities, low self-esteem when it comes to body image and low sex drive are emotional intimate issues for women In addition to menstrual cycles, change of life, and aging health issues.”