In one short life, we come across so many relations, feel them, fall in love with them, and allow them to change us in so many beautiful ways we could never imagine. One such relation is that of a husband and a wife, a lifetime commitment of love, trust, companionship, friendship.
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A relation which demands a lot of care, sincerity towards one another, nurturing together, growing together, every day, till death does the couple apart. But not every time this relation will work, not every time will it give you the feeling of fulfillment and that is perfectly fine.
It is not mandatory that a marriage has to be perfect or the two people in it have to be.
Two people when taking the decision to come together, live as one, doesn’t possibly mean that every couple will have the same level of thinking and understanding. And when they both become unable to put in the same kind of effort to make the relationship work then it is better to mutually end it.
Maybe it was just not meant to be or you were asking too much.
Many find it difficult to end and some people feel like free birds after getting divorced. The experiences vary for everyone. If after ending a relationship you end up hating the other person then that baggage of hatred you will carry with you always and live with the feeling of grief, regret and hatred for yourself for making that one wrong decision of marrying someone.
Marriage is the greatest classroom imparting valuable knowledge to all
Always remember that marriage is the greatest classroom which will teach you so much and if your marriage did not work then it does not mean you have failed but just that you have learned a lesson that will help you understand yourself better.
If you really want to move forward and be happy then you must always remember that you were just two different people who were not perfect for spending a lifetime together. The day you realize that it was best for either of you get over one another, or the marriage that day you will see the change in yourself and in your life, how it just got better!
Couples who have children face a lot of difficulty in moving on and that is quite natural as they have this cord between them joined by their children.
You can divorce your spouse but not your family, children or life!
To begin a new life you will have to accept the truth – ‘Yes I am divorced but that does not end life for me.’
1. Seek a new relationship
One broken relation does not mean you are not fit for coming into a new relation.
Obviously, it should not happen under anybody’s pressure. Moving on with the help of new relation is not a good idea if you don’t want it. But, if you feel attracted towards anybody then you must certainly try.
Go out for a date and see whether the experience makes you feel any better.
2. Pay attention to yourself
Has there been anything that you have always wanted to try for a very long time but you weren’t able to because of the prevailing stress levels in your life. Maybe any hobby, urge to travel alone to someplace far, a fancy hair color, wanted to lose weight?
Now, is the time to pay attention to yourself and your needs, yes right now! It will make you feel not only good but your best.
3. Take out time for your children
Before, during and after a divorce the most affected are the kids.
For no mistake of theirs, they have to see a lot. If they are too young they feel love, attention deprived and if they are in their teenage then this might affect their mindset towards love, relationships and affect them in a very negative way.
So, being parents you have to be emotional, mentally, physically present for them to support them and make them understand things and situation so that they are able to cope with it and handle it maturely.
In this, you have to act really mature as there will be times when you will have to take your kids out with your ex.
Research and study has shown that couples who stay friends after marriage stay happier as compared to others who live with the feeling of a grudge as they still hold that baggage with them which makes them spoil their other relationships too.
You can’t change your past, but you can work on your present and that will promise a happy future for you. Cherish the relation with your family, your ex, kids.
Have you heard about couples getting photographed after their divorce? Yes! You too can begin a new life with this. You can get a family photography shoot after your divorce. It will be the most beautiful thing to relive those moments once which you lived and felt with your family.
Getting photographed together all over again will be a great bonding time with your family. You will enjoy the photography session meeting your ex as a friend and seeing you like this the happiest would be your kids. Your children will soak in the positivity you will show them.
Your family will be of the greatest help to get you through the thick and thins that you will go through therefore do not shut down on them ever. Seek help and support. Talk it out.
Do not quit your daily routine just do some modifications
After divorce your life will topple upside down, for some, it happens for good and for some it is a disaster. No matter what happens, never quit on all the wonderful things that you have been doing till now, instead add a few things to your daily routine so that it keeps you occupied and does not let negativity grip you.
One other thing that divorce can’t do is that it can never free you from the responsibilities.
You will have to take your kids on outings, share the expenditure of your kids with your ex, have talk sessions with them, and make them do extracurricular activities. Children are the most vulnerable during this time so make sure not to make them feel left out and anything different than before.
Cherish all the wonderful relations that you once had whether it was with your ex, kids, your ex’s parents, friends. It will help you heal better in the long run.
Life does not stop for anybody.
You just have to stop, look around, and analyze for yourself what you have gained over the years being in a relationship and not just focusing all the bad things that you have experienced. The moment you start valuing what you have right now will help you take you away from your past and crying over it.
Don’t suppress your feelings.
If you feel like crying just do it; just don’t let it or anything takes a toll over you. This life was always yours, other people and relations just become a part of it. You can’t make them stay forever and similarly you can’t make your heart and mind stay in those old memories.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Lisa K Cheney is an entrepreneur; owner of Lisa K Photo. She is a professional photographer believes Photography adds luxury to your already flawless life and her vision is to offer others the soulful, pure and fresh piece of art.