Parents, especially mothers need to go through a checklist before signing up for a thing as big as divorce. This will help them move in the right direction and guide them to something which they will not regret later, especially due to children being involved. Below is the essential divorce checklist for mothers.
Whether your marriage can be saved
It might sound a bit old-fashioned, but I believe that the right way to go about a situation like to divorce is to make sure if it is the only way out; the only solution. It should be the last thing you consider because the after effects of it (that too, when being a mother) can be difficult and hard to manage.
So, it is better that you don’t let divorce be the first solution you go for whenever a conflict occurs. Give yourself time and see if things can be worked out or not. You can even go for marriage counseling or therapy.
Know your spouse
This point of the checklist may sound like a no-brainer because of course, you know your spouse, and that is why you are calling it quits. But what you need to do is to give it a second thought. Maybe they aren’t the ideal spouse but are a very good parent for your children. And with a little effort from both sides, you can be happy and raise a beautiful family while working on your issues in the process.
The real state of your finances
Of course, working on a relationship doesn’t always work. So, if you finalize on choosing divorce then make sure that you are well-informed of all the real state and finances. Being a mother, you will be in need of a lot of money to bear household expenses all by yourself, if you’ll be keeping the children. The more information you have regarding your assets and liabilities, the more likely it is that your divorce will go smoothly for you.
Whether you can live a life without your spouse’s income
This is the estimate of the money you will be bringing in if you get divorced, and being a mother, knowing how much your expenses will be. If you currently don’t have an income, then you need to find out whether you will be given child support or alimony for a short while until you are capable of supporting your family.
You also need to start looking for employment options that suit you best. If your expenses are going out of control, you need to find a way out to get them in line. Regardless of the nature of your financial condition, you need to have complete knowledge of it before you even use the word “divorce.”
Your Plan B
By this point in the checklist, I mean that, while your divorce procedure is still going forward, you need to decide how and where you’re going to live. How are you going to handle your children? If you are fortunate enough, your spouse will be contributing to a certain extent when it comes raising the kids. However, if in the worst-case scenario, that doesn’t happen then what your next step would be? All these things should be pre-decided so that you know your moves and can make the right one at the right time during the divorce proceedings.
Your credit score
If you share all your accounts with your spouse and you have never established any credit in your own name, it is the right time to perform this task. Applying for credit cards in your name will be much easier before filing for divorce than afterwards because at that moment credit card companies will be looking at your joint income (household income) when determining your credit line.
You, of course, do not want to build up debt on those credit cards that the company issues you, but still having some credit available at all times may provide you with a financial safety that serves as a life-saver later.
The truth about divorce
The truth about divorce is that no matter how long you take to plan it, there are unexpected things that will pop out of literally nowhere and will delay the whole process, dragging it and consuming more of your monetary resources than you had in mind. Amidst all this chaos, your children will suffer. You may have to cut down their expenses to fulfil the ones of the divorce proceedings.
They, your kids, will be under a lot of stress and will likely be suffering even if they are silent. You might not even be able to meet them until the divorce is finalized. So, you must be brave enough to face the situation and know in your heart that they are the ones you are doing it all for and this tough time too shall pass!
You are going to lose friends
One thing is established when it comes to divorce, and that is people taking sides. You will be losing your spouse, but along with them, you will also be losing a lot of your mutual friends. A few will blame you for being a bad wife, a lousy mother, and even a woman who is not good at making choices.
They will blame you for everything that went wrong. You should realize that you can’t stop certain people from thinking like that. So, just let it be. Be the best mother you can, because that’ll be enough for your kids. Be prepared for the harsh words that you might have to listen.
No matter what their age, your children need you
It is a misconception that divorce affects only children that are very young. Divorce affects children of each and every age group. It is just that all children let their frustration and depression out in different ways. A few stay quiet while others show anger and poor grades. There are even those who fall into bad habits (staying away from home, doing drugs, vandalism, etc.).
If your children are minors, then divorce is likely to affect them horribly compared to grown-up children. The reason for this is that young children (that are still living with parents) undergo an entire change in their life. The way they live, the way they dine out, the way they follow a routine, everything gets changed due to divorce. That’s why they get psychologically disturbed, and as a mother, you should be prepared for it.
As a woman with kids, do go over this essential divorce checklist for mothers to ensure that you’re prepared for the changes divorcing your spouse will bring into your and your kid’s life.