Is Divorce Always the Answer?


Is divorce always the answer?

Many couples get divorced today for various reasons. Some of these I consider flimsy, in my opinion, as these are just excuses to end a marriage and get out of the relationship. Here are some examples that I’ve seen:

My spouse refuses to eat what I make.

My husband won’t change the baby’s diaper.

My wife refuses to cut her hair.  

Do these sound unbelievable to you? Perhaps so. But this is the reality of relationships today.

Marriage, as an institution

Marriage was designed to be a life long partnership between a husband and wife and must not be taken lightly. The creator of marriage has provided instructions as to how the married couple should handle their assigned roles in relation to one another. If they are not followed, then problems will surface.

Of course, no marriage is perfect.

Nevertheless, if husbands and wives follow God’s guidance and instruction in their assigned roles, it will enable their marriage to be a success regardless of the imperfect state that the couple is in at present.

However, at times, divorce may seem like the only option. Especially, when one partner has cheated the other. Still, if either of the partners believe that they can work through such hard issues to prevent divorce and save their marriage, then it must be done.

Before opting to end the marriage, it is important to consider the below:

  • How would my decision affect the children?
  • How will I be able to support myself?
  • Has my spouse apologized and asked for forgiveness?

You would certainly NOT be wrong for still wanting to go through with the divorce, but it is important to consider how YOUR decision will affect yourself and your children, if you have any.

How will your decision to divorce affect you?

Remember, you are making the decision to divorce. Ask yourself if you would be emotionally ready for life’s many challenges post that. Here are some things to be mindful about:

  • How will you handle the negative behaviors that your children may display? Will family counseling be needed?
  • Will you be able to manage finances without the help of your now ex-husband? Especially if he refuses to pay child support?
  • Of course this article equally applies to men. Ask yourself if you will be able to style your daughter’s hair? If you are not accustomed to changing diapers will that affect you emotionally? Are you prepared to handle that?
  • How would you feel about sex not being a part of your life?

How will your decision to divorce affect your children?

Consider how your divorce will affect your children. You might get over it in time. But kids never do. So should you stay married just for the sake of your children? Maybe not. But putting in your best effort to save the marriage certainly is worth the effort.  

Because your children will never get over the loss of their family; their lives will never be the same. After the divorce, everything changes for them and they need to navigate a new reality. Of course, after a certain time period, kids do “move on,” as well but they will stay affected by it for the rest of their lives.

Having said that, if a partner is any of the following, then divorce is definitely justified:

  1. Adulterous
  2. Abusive
  3. Addictive
  4. Abandoning

Finally, all those who currently find themselves considering divorce (for any other reason), I plead them to consider the cost. It is a huge decision and not one to take lightly for sure.

Valerie is a Certified Life Coach, Christian and Behavior Modification Counselor specializing in helping clients with anger management, marriage problems and self-esteem issues. Valerie also teaches the Bible and is an Ordained minister who counsels clients looking for help from a Christian perspective.