Narcissists blame others for not being good to them, and they’re quite egotistic.
Narcissist and divorce is a challenging experience to go through.
Divorcing a narcissist is quite difficult. They ask for a constant flow of love and support from their spouses, but give nothing in return. A normal divorce usually takes from 2 to 3 years to settle, but if you want to divorce a narcissist, it might take a lot longer than that.
Their narcissism makes them care about no one, not even their own children. Generally, a narcissist divorce has proved to be very painful for couples with children.
So, how do you win a narcissist divorce?
The following are the ways that would be helpful in how to divorce a narcissist and winning the ugly battle
1. Hire an experienced attorney
A narcissist divorce lawsuit needs an adequately experienced attorney.
Not all attorneys are created equal.
The lawyer should have the know-how of narcissism and must come up with the strategies for how to outplay a narcissist.
Narcissists love to fight, so an aggressive lawyer shouldn’t be hired as they may prove to add fire to the fuel.
A narcissist might try to create an obstruction or change the course of a divorce. A right lawyer will be able to identify these signs of narcissism of your spouse and make a move accordingly for custody mediation with a narcissist and other roadblocks.
Further, share your spouse’s narcissistic patterns so that your lawyer is able to help you better in divorcing a narcissist partner.
2. Minimize contact with the narcissistic spouse
There should be very little face-to-face contact. While communicating with the narcissist spouse, it is better to do it via the lawyer only.
Communication through emails and text messages is the best option as it would have the entire record of conversation and would prove to be handy in future proceedings.
Emotions from communication should be removed to avoid any underlying traps.
A narcissist spouse would try to use emotional attacks to keep everything in his/her control, so being sentimental should be avoided as much as possible. This is the reason why contact should be kept to the minimum.
And, this is how you win a narcissist divorce.
3. Keep your focus
How to divorce a narcissist and win?
It is important not to get influenced by the charms of your narcissist spouse and believe in the facts that pushed you towards the decision of separating from them after your marriage.
There is a sudden gush of emotions that might influence you to change the decision of divorcing a narcissist. However, you have brooded over the reasons for divorce and decided it with logic. You must not give in to your current whims or change your decision. It will only push you towards a sad life.
If face-to-face communication has to be done with a narcissist spouse, never forget to document it as they may label you a liar if there’s no record. To avoid being called a liar in court, it is better to have a record of each and every conversation no matter what the medium was.
After documentation of the conversation, it’s better to put them in order so that they’re easy to find during property settlement with a narcissist and other requirements. Keep the documentation in a safe place, as losing them might cause problems in the future.
5. Don’t get painted black
How does a narcissist react to divorce?
Narcissists are very clever and can cross all possible limits with sneaky divorce tactics to defend themselves.
Hurting others is quite easy for them. They can lie with ease and would take no time to paint others as monsters. To avoid that, it is better to have everything discussed with the lawyer and children while divorcing a narcissistic husband or wife.
6. Get a strong support
While going through a difficult time of divorcing a narcissist, it is always good to have emotional support. Any close friend or family member may prove to be a shoulder to cry on.
You might be confronting messy emotions and feeling the need to unload them. So, get in touch with a confidante that could be someone from your friend circle or family. Confide your emotions to push away the contradictory or confusing emotions that you are facing.
It has to be made sure that while entering the court, your mind is relaxed, and you’re staying cool.
Lengthy litigation such as that involved in a narcissist divorce may leave marks of stress and pain.
Atherapist may help you and your children a lot in moving out of the dire situation. A therapist may help in predicting the behavioral pattern of the narcissistic ex, which can be helpful in making strategies for the upcoming hearings.
They may also guide on how to tackle emotional attacks made by the narcissist spouse. Children have to go through a lot, so a professional therapist may bring them out of the stressful situation.
In the video below, Attachment Trauma Therapist, Alan Robarge discusses the holistic approach of dealing with the end of your relationship. He advocates self-care and explains ways to come into the present moment and comfort yourself.
Divorcing a narcissist is possible.
Divorcing a narcissist is possible if everything is done according to plans and strategies. It requires a lot of patience. Patience, in fact, is the key to success.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.