Being a man going through a divorce seems to come with a label that you have a big failure in your life. It’s normal to feel that way, but try not to make it your focus. You are newly single, and that means you can shift your focus to you.
So take care of yourself during this transition. Here are some essential divorce tips for men that will make things a little easier.
1. Starting from scratch
The biggest challenge in moving forward after a divorce is to break through the patterns that you followed when you were married. But letting go of these patterns won’t be all that simple.
Many a time you would find yourself reminiscing the habits and idiosyncrasies. This might make you sad but you need to cherish the freedom and space that you now have.
Now you have the opportunity to build your resilience and become more stable and reliable.
2. Take care of basic grooming
Many men, when first divorced, fall into the “I don’t care anymore” trap. They figure, who am I getting dressed up for? They tend to get a little lazy in the basic grooming department.
So the first and the best divorce advice for men would be to not let this happen to you. Get your haircut every 6-8 weeks. Shower every day, even if you don’t feel like it.
3. Figure out the household stuff
For men coping with divorce, whose wife took care of laundry and cooking, it’s time for them to figure out how and when they will do these things. If you simply can’t fathom doing them yourself and can afford to do so, hire out.
Having clean clothes and healthy meals will be well worth the effort. Otherwise, learn to do them yourself. Perhaps cook as much as you can on Sundays to have enough dinners ready for the whole week.
Also, do your laundry in the evenings while you’re watching TV.
4. Don’t give in to your demons
When you are depressed, what do you do? Drink? Overeat? Get lazy? Never go out? Getting over a divorce for a man requires them not to give in to their demons and build the courage to face them.
Instead of drinking, go out golfing or shoot pool with a friend.
You can certainly hit up restaurants as a way to socialize, but just be careful to eat healthy portions. Besides work, plan on getting out and having fun at least once a week.
Maybe you and your buddies could play some basketball, go to a movie, or something else you like to do. The point is there are many divorce strategies for men to get you out of the house.
Also watch: Divorce survival rules for men
5. It is okay to grieve
How many times have you heard that ‘Men don’t cry’, well in real life they do.
Be it a man or a woman everyone deserves to grieve the loss of something or someone special in their lives.
Over time the separation from your spouse would bring a surge of different emotions, and even though women tend to be more vocal about their feelings and emotions there is no law against men doing it too.
So embrace your feeling as that would definitely help you let go of your emotional baggage.
6. Connect with others
When women divorce, they tend to reach out and talk about it. Men, not so much. Unfortunately, keeping your negative thoughts and feelings inside isn’t good a good divorce strategy for men.
What you need is to connect with other human beings. You don’t have to spend very much time talking about the divorce itself—though that will be beneficial to let those feelings out—definitely talk.
Connect. It’ll make you happier because you know there are others out there rooting for you. This is essential divorce advice for men with children
7. Connect with your kids
Make sure that your kids do not feel that you are never around or you do not care about them. Even if your kids are with your wife you must figure out a way to stay connected with them.
Hopefully, now that you have extra time on your hand you can start spending more time on building a healthy and strong relationship with your children.
8. Take a balanced approach to dating
Another important divorce survival tip for men is to not put off meeting women forever, also you definitely don’t want to rush and go out with the first woman you see, either. Take a more balanced approach.
Give yourself some time to get over the initial shock and life change, and then tread carefully. But do get out there. Focus on forming friendships and then see what develops. You’re in no rush, here.
9. Be nice to your ex
Sure, she broke your heart, but she doesn’t have to ruin your life now. You are both adults, so act like it. Let her live her life in peace. If she picks a fight with you, calmly decline.
Do the duties the court has appointed you, and do them as agreeable as possible. You will be running into her in the future, so don’t make it weird.
You’re not giving up if you go to therapy. In fact, therapy can help you sort out your thoughts and emotions in a healthy, productive way.
It’s best to get in to see someone before the divorce causes you such distress that it affects your work performance and spills into other areas of your life. A counselor can help.
12. From resentment to forgiveness
Divorces can get very ugly, you say things that you never thought you would, there are fights, kids, and who gets to keep what. By the time you end this process, you are bound to be full of resentment towards a person you once loved and adored.
Forgiving your ex for their actions after your divorce is not about being the bigger person it is about moving on and letting go of the baggage full of hatred, bitterness, and anger.
Forgiving your partner would help you come to terms with the reality and you can finally put the past behind you.
13. Figure out your finances
Now that you are no longer in a marriage, your finances may take a hit. Take a budgeting class or talk to a financial planner. Do what you need to do to get your finances in order.
Take stock of your debts, figure out where you’re at with retirement savings, and all of your other obligations. It can be scary at times, but better to face reality now so you can work towards a more stable future.
14. Follow your passions
What do you want out of life? What have you always wanted to do but never done? Maybe now is a good time to travel somewhere exotic, start a business, or take a class. ,
This is your time to develop your new sense of identity. Follow your passions, and you’ll feel better about yourself.
15. Laugh as much as possible
It’s so easy to get down during this significant life change. So go to comedy shows, watch funny movies or TV shows, hang out with curious people, and just look for the fun in life. You’ll feel so much better.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. By taking purposeful and a whole-hearted action, Sylvia feels that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one.