It’s no secret your marriage has reached an end and one of you, if not both, has moved on. What do you do with all your emotions? Did you see this coming? Were you prepared for a divorce? If so, how do you survive a nasty divorce?
Also, read – Coping with divorce
If this was best for you both, then why are you still sad?
Could it be the sadness you are feeling at this moment is just a blender of emotions you can’t let go nor explain? What’s clear now is that your relationship is over for good.
Why the aching heart? Divorce is never easy to go through, no matter how needed or necessary it is. You will still hurt, no matter what reasons you have. The love you both once shared is over. Don’t think that by leaving the relationship, things will be easy. It won’t.
How long does it take to recover from divorce?
Divorce can feel as if death has landed on your doorstep.
Can you recover and move on with your life? Sure, you can, but the process will take time, and that time depends on letting go of past hurt and pain.
But, the question is, can you love again? Yes, but it will take you to trust your partner back in order to love without fear of getting hurt.
Listen, you had a ton of emotions followed by love for this person who is no longer in your life, and your heart is aching over that loss. Just know that you can’t rush into loving a person, and you can’t rush healing an aching heart that’s losing the only love it’s known.
Symptoms of an aching heart
To answer how do you get over a bad divorce, you must identify the symptoms of heartbreak and then deal with them one at a time.
Also, read – What do individuals go through during divorce?
Below is a list of symptoms; one may experience with an aching heart.
- Ran over- You will feel as if you have been hit/run over and getting up isn’t an option. The feeling is that of a broken heart, and the pain is real.
- Betrayal- You feel that the person who claimed to have loved you has just taken your heart and thrown it away.
- Anger- With so much hurt and pain, you can find yourself lashing out at those around you who love you. Learn how to keep your emotions under control.
- Lifeline- This is the critical stage in your life where you must surround yourself with others who understand what you are going through.
Always remember! You cannot move on with an aching heart since your heart is not in the right stage of moving on when you want it to. So, be patient. You will be out of sorts with your feelings for a while, and that’s okay.
Acknowledge what has happened to you and your heart in order to move on. Be real with your emotions and tell your aching heart that in time, it will love again.
Ways to cope with heartbreak
Here are three things to help you through the divorce process –
- Accept responsibility – Accept responsibility for times you may have acted out of anger during the divorce process.
- Control your emotions – Calm down your thoughts, feelings, and other mixture of emotions to accept the new change.
- Accept the new reality – Understand that love is gone in that relationship. It’s impossible to love someone back who no longer wants to be with you. It’s time to say goodbye to whatever was and could have been.
- Take your time to heal – Give yourself time to recover from the pain since the changing of life has hurt you. Expect for a loving heart to feel angry and bitter.
- Self-assurance – Assure your aching heart that you understand its feelings and know that you don’t have to bring those negative feelings to your next experience.
Look at this as a new beginning.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Johanna Sparrow