The divorce rate in America is over 50%. Divorce is very common and it seems like we all know someone who is going through a divorce, is divorced or perhaps it is you who is either going through a divorce or are divorced.
Divorce is one of the most painful things a person will ever go through
Since it is such a commonplace thing most people think it is just normal, we get divorced and we move on. What people won’t tell you is that divorce, for most people, is one of the most painful things a person will ever go through. The stress of going through a divorce is right up there with death.
Once you get to the other side it can be quite delicious
But that is as far as the conversation goes. Not many people talk about the day-to-day pain they go through during and after the divorce. The good news is that once you get to the other side it can be quite delicious.
There are some things that I want you to be aware of
You are going to be going through an emotional roller coaster. Feelings of divorce are many; there is sadness, anger, regret, and feelings of being totally lost without your partner. You are now not part of a couple, your identity has changed, so who are you?
Not all people are going to experience this. Some people do feel relief once they are divorced but that is the exception.
Feel the feelings
When we as humans are going through painful situations and emotions are flooding through us we tend not to like how we feel. We don’t like to feel the feelings. People tend to self-medicate when they are in pain. They self medicate with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, and even sex. Instead of self -medicating try self-care. You need to sit with the feelings and acknowledge them.
Feel the feelings; cry your heart out this is the only way to heal. The body keeps the score and when emotions are suppressed and denied the body begins to break down.
Seek out a therapist
Seek out a therapist who can help you process your divorce, which is crucial to moving forward in a healthy manner, and help you decide how you want the next chapter of your life to look. But also remember that life is not about blaming or shaming yourself. So if you do go out and drink too much, eat too much, shop too much or whatever the case maybe be kind to yourself and allow for those moments.
Try to do more self-care than self-medicating
Sometimes you need to do these things, we are not perfect we are human. Try to do more self-care than self-medicating during this painful time. Self- care includes positive self-talk, warm baths, massages, the exercise that you enjoy, time with friends, beautiful meals, things that are only for you and make you feel good!
This is a beautiful time to get to know yourself again
Find out what you really like. Think of the world as your oyster, your blank canvas. This can be a very exciting time in your life. Be kind to yourself and really take time to heal. You never know what beautiful things are around the corner.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Kirsten Louise Cantley