A divorce is one of life’s most stressful experiences and will profoundly affect you. Whether you’ve been married five years or 50 years, you’ll feel a deep sadness and disappointment and perhaps may feel like a failure. No one gets married with the intention of getting a divorce, yet sadly, that is the outcome of many modern marriages.
Pain and reality
Mentally accepting the reality of a divorce is much easier than emotionally accepting it. The emotional acceptance may take years to overcome, and it may generate a considerable amount of pain. It’s important to experience the emotions though, rather than attempting to bury them under a flurry of activity and denial. We all tend to avoid pain, so it’s easy to adopt the Scarlett O’Hara attitude of “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
Be realistic. Typically, we tend to gloss over those things that we disliked about our partner and remember only what we liked. Avoid the temptation to glamorize the relationship. Instead, accept the reality that there were problems and in the future, the divorce may become beneficial. Your life can be what you make it and your current struggles are only a stepping stone to a better life.
It may be difficult to accept that former friends have abandoned you, but this may happen. Realize that they may be hurting also and coping with issues you are unaware of. Don’t take their actions personally and move on. Remove mementos that remind you of your former spouse, formulate new habits, and develop healthy, new interests.
If there are children, make every effort to keep them out of the divorce. As tempting as it may be to use them for revenge, that type of behavior is not in the best interests of the children. Divorce can take a toll on all involved, especially the children, who may be too young to fully comprehend the situation, and may blame themselves for it. Develop healthy habits that will benefit both you and the children.
Help is available
Don’t try to get through this very stressful time without getting help. Those living in Durham, NC might find valuable allies in the skilled counselors and attorneys at McKissick & McKissick, who have years of experience helping their clients get through difficult times.
Spend the time necessary for you and the children to heal, and make every effort to make the best of this situation. It will set a good example for the children and will ease interactions with the former spouse. This, too, shall pass and you will be better for it.