While there are lots of difficulties in a divorce and plenty of hurt, there are ways of lessening the pain and resentment. This is especially important if there are children, who will be the most hurt by a messy divorce. On the other hand, this can be challenging, and you often won’t feel like working together with your ex. However, heated arguments and constant conflict will only make things worse for everyone involved.
If both sides are willing to work towards an amicable divorce, then it is possible to achieve a friendlier end to your relationship. This can save pain for the parents and the children, as well as time and money in the process of dividing everything.
The first step is to try to calm your emotions—the feelings of anger, sadness, etc. These emotions make working together difficult. Talk to friends and family, or even a counselor or therapist. Continue as normal of a routine as possible especially you have children. Try hard not to fall into bad habits for comfort, and go to the people you love instead. Talk to your kids about their feelings, and reassure them that they aren’t the reason for the split. Your conversations can offer comfort and reassurance to you both. Once you have a good handle on your emotions, it will make everything easier going forward.
It is also important to decide what you really want out of your divorce. If you have children, you need to do what is best for them. It isn’t about “winning” or making sure you get more out of it than your spouse. The point is to have a peaceful, universally-beneficial end. This will make it easier both to raise children, no matter the custody arrangements, and to move on.
When both sides are working together, a divorce doesn’t necessarily need to enter the courtroom. Even so, it is generally best to enlist some legal help, as it is a very complicated process. There are several options available to those going through an amicable divorce. Collaborative divorce involves an attorney represents both sides, and the four meet outside of court to discuss the divorce agreement. Other professionals might be involved to aid the process, such as child specialists if you have children. Another option is mediation in which both parties work together with a single mediator. The parents do not have their own attorney, and the mediator helps the parents communicate and reach decisions.
If these methods aren’t working, there is always the option of litigation. Remember that just because you are in a courtroom doesn’t mean that it has to be a heated battle. You can still work together to try to achieve an outcome that is best for everyone. While this is true, keep in mind that you will have less control over the process, and it can be much more expensive.
No matter which option you go with, remember what you are truly working for. If you have children, make sure that all of your decisions are in their best interests. Keep control of your emotions and keep open communication between you and your ex-spouse.