The process of divorce can be extremely hard for anyone.
It is an entire life change for you and everyone involved. Often times, we need someone to talk to that can help us sort through the feelings and emotions associated with divorce. Luckily for me, I was a therapist. So, guess what I had!
I had friends who were therapists.
Even better was the fact that I had therapist friends that had been through the divorce process. It was a Godsend but there were things that they did not tell me that I wish they had.
I learned many things along the journey that I would tell anyone now that I have been through this portion of the process.
You will have periods of inescapable and indescribable loneliness
I will never forget sitting at a table with my colleagues and them prompting me about the first holidays when my child would be away and the visitations and the like.T hey warned me but somehow, I still didn’t get it!
Every other weekend after the meetup for visitation and dropping my son off to spend the weekend with his father, I was a wreck. I didn’t know what to do with myself. There I was, this grown woman, sitting at the top of my stairs in this big, empty house crying.
What was I crying about, I still don’t know. I can tell you that I wasn’t used to having free time and I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Allow yourself to be angry
None of my colleagues told me about the times when you would feel angry.
There will be days when you will be angry and you can’t figure out why. I will tell you what you are angry about.
You will be angry that you have poured yourself into someone that didn’t have the decency to tell you the truth. You will be angry about the feeling that you have wasted your time and love on someone that did not deserve it. You will be angry that the plans you made and the life you had anticipated is no longer a possibility. Allow yourself to be angry.
Truth be told, you will be angry and you have to find an outlet for that anger.
Explore who you are
This was one of the things that I had to learn to do.
I had to explore what I liked to do. My life had become defined by what I was used to doing as a “married” person that I had no idea how to be single. So, I had to begin to explore what I would do as a single person.
Learn to take yourself places. Explore your likes and dislikes. Do some of the things that you once stopped doing because your spouse did not enjoy them.
Go to a restaurant alone or the movies. Don’t be afraid to go on a trip alone and enjoy the presence of you. I did these things and I am glad that I did.
In conclusion, I am thankful for the journey that I have now taken as a person going through a divorce. Although it was painful, it was definitely a growing experience. I am a therapist but that in no way made the process any easier.
I still had to battle the same emotions and feelings that anyone else would have to battle. I am thankful, however, for the friends that I had to give me a heads up about what to expect.