Divorce is hard for both men and women. No one can tell who suffers more. But as a woman who has tenaciously held on at the idea of a happy marriage despite a broken relationship, how to know when to divorce?
The best way to know is to tap into your inner feelings and voice in your head that you have muffled. That stifled voice will help you take a step in the direction that will impact you, your spouse, children and over all family dynamics. Use a level head, factoring in how divorce will impact you and everyone involved and if it will set a stage for a better life for everyone involved, in the long run.
However, psychology says that women are more likely to become depressed than men and that they need more social support.
You may think that the worst is behind you once the divorce process starts, but don’t let the temporary relief fool you. My intention is not to discourage you, just to remind you to be kind to yourself and take care of your mental health.
The most crucial divorce advice for women is to remember that divorce is a slow and painful process. No matter what happened between you and your partner you have a right to be sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, scared, confused or even happy. But remember, it will be an emotional roller coaster.
If you have children, many people will tell you that you have to keep emotions to yourself and be strong for the kids. Don’t listen to them, it is great to be strong, but showing emotions is the way to let your children know it is okay to feel, even if feelings are tearing you inside, the world will not fall apart. Just don’t neglect your kids on account of your emotions and everything will be alright.
Cut your expenses
An important piece of divorce advice for women is to work on budgeting, saving and cutting down expenses.
The thing is you don’t have as much money as you had while you were married. Another thing is, paying a divorce attorney, court taxes and potentially a therapist will cost you a lot. You might be confused and not ready to deal with it, but you should.
One of things to know about divorce is that dealing with the annoying and complicated task like finances is a good way to stop thinking about your emotional pain for a moment.
Also, if you give your best to figure out your expenses as soon as possible, it is much less likely that you will end up broke. Sit, calculate, assess, make plans. If you are not great with numbers, consult a financial specialist. This will keep food on your table.
Also, as a precursor to the divorce, what to know about getting a divorce, is that you and your spouse could try a collaborative approach. If both parties come to an agreement that they are terminating the marriage and it’s inevitable, you could save yourself from a lot of stress and expenses that comes from length court proceedings. A mediator can be pulled in to help reach mutually agreeable terms for an amicable divorce.
What to know when getting a divorce? A lot of things. But foremost is accepting that when you get divorced, you lose a lot of things. What divorce does to a woman is overwhelming in terms of emotional wreckage and adverse effect on the quality of life.
Lover, friend, life partner, and support. Accepting that there is no way to compensate for all of this stuff at once is an important piece of divorce advice for women. However, support is the most important one at this moment.
A handy divorce advice for women who are separated from their spouse is to contact their friends, family, and relatives. Talk to people, go to a mental health professional, attend support groups, talk to your children, do whatever you need.
Some people will help you emotionally; some will offer money or lend a hand. However, every kind of support is welcome.
Knowledge is power. Equip yourself with information on everything to know about divorce. Staying informed is crucial to as it’s best to be prepared for the potential outcome of the divorce.
When you enter the divorce process, you should be aware that it will take some time before you finally sign the papers. You should inform yourself on different types of divorce, on all of the potential divorce attorneys in your town, your rights and obligations, what does a woman get in a divorce generally and even specifically in your case, how to take care of your children and how not to end up giving all of your belongings to your ex-spouse.
Looking for divorce advice for women but have hit a roadblock? Internet, bookstores, libraries, friends – all of these sources can offer you valuable information. People are usually scared of the unknown.
Additionally, if your husband was the one who dealt with financial and law related tasks in your house, this process can be even more intimidating. But, if you learn all you can about the situation you are in, your comfort level will rise as well as your odds of success.
Don’t be passive, fight for yourself through learning. Most importantly, don’t hesitate to reach out to women with similar history for guidance on how to get through a divorce as a woman.
Take care of your children
If you have kids, you have to pay attention to them. Divorce advice for women with kids is to remember that no matter their age, the divorce will hurt them. They might not even be able to express themselves, but their behavior will tell you a lot about their emotional state.
If you have small children, pay attention to aggressive outbursts, how they play, do they prefer to be alone more than usual, do they pee more often than they should, do they have unusual pains, do you notice separation anxiety? If your children go to school, see if their grades have changed, are they running from home to school, do they spend much more time with their friends than usual? Any significant behavior change can be informational.
Talk to your children. They have the right to know about things that happened. Explain that you and your husband both still love them and that they are not the reason you got divorced. Don’t let them feel guilty, but don’t try to erase their sadness. They have every right to be emotional, just as you do.
Even if everything looks miserable, dark and endless at this point, you will get through it. Draw from your inner strength of well. Following this divorce advice for women will build your resilience and revive the lost zest for life. You are strong enough, good enough, smart enough and resilient enough to overcome anything that happens to you.
Despite knowing everything you need to know about divorce, there is no denying that a broken marriage is heartbreaking. What women need to know about divorce, even before signing up for it is that terminating a marriage is painful, and you need to equip yourself with the way law applies to your divorce case and to have realistic expectations of the outcome.
Remember, you are not alone in this, there are still many people who love you.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.