Friends, families and even professionals are much more ready to offer support to women who are going through the divorce, than to men. This is a sad fact because being a man is not equal as not suffering. If someone has big muscles, loud voice and strong jaw bone it doesn’t mean he has a heart made of stone. We are here today to offer you some advice on divorce and show that you have our support, even when no one else is there for you.
Recognize your emotions
You are a man. People are about to expect from you that you hide your emotions, maybe you even expect that from yourself. To be strong. Let me ask you one question, who are you trying to fool?
Of course, you have feelings. You are hurt, sad, disappointed. Remember, men tend to hide their pain behind anger much more than women do. If you start training much more, drinking, having casual sex, spending money, binge-watching television, you know that you are suppressing your emotions.
That is okay, from time to time, but to deal that way with a long process as divorce is – can be damaging. If you think you are not capable of dealing with your emotions on your own, find a therapist, life coach, divorce counselor, any of these people can help you improve the quality of your post-divorce life.
Think twice before you do something reckless
Men tend to act out when they are hurt. I don’t mean all of the things I listed above, drinking, switching partners and so on. I am talking about your behavior related to your ex-spouse.
Give your best to stay rational. Don’t call her/him when it is not necessary or divorce/kids related, don’t block her/him on social networks, don’t trash her/him in front of your friends, relatives and especially not in front of your children. You loved that woman/man. You are above all of that, and you will regret doing that later on.
Minimize any contacts between you two and don’t let emotions cloud your judgment.
Take care of your body
As I already said, men sometimes have difficulties expressing their feelings. Because of that, strong feelings tend to leave marks on their bodies. Oversleeping or lack of sleep, stomach pains, panic attacks and headaches are more common than you think
Men who tend to suppress their emotions by engaging hard work or substance abuse suffer even more. Your mind might be in chaos, but don’t let that affect your body. Your emotional pain is enough – you don’t have to go through the physical one, too.
For starters, eat, sleep and drink water regularly. Do not double the amount of exercise. Do not increase your working hours. Do not drink or use other substances to cover up emotions. It may be hard to accept, but you are a vulnerable human being, act like one. Lick your wounds and don’t push yourself too hard.
Analyze your finances
Even if you were the partner who brought the majority of the money to your house, you are going to have less money now. You will have to pay lawyer fees, court taxes, potentially a therapist or a financial specialist and so on. Your expenses will rise.
On the other hand, your ex-spouse will get at least one portion of your belongings. Maybe you’ll have to pay alimony; maybe you will lose your house, many things could happen.
For that reason, sit and think your finances through. If you are not good with numbers, ask a friend or hire a specialist to help you. You will have to cut your expenses and make financial plans for future. Make sure to make copies of all of your financial documents and check your credit record, all of these things will be useful in a long run.
Be a team with your lawyer
Don’t settle with the first lawyer from your phone book. Look for the right one. The least you can do is find an attorney who is specialized in divorces. Then, make sure that both of you are on the same page. Set specific goals and stick to them, don’t let your lawyer draw you back from the bigger picture.
Remember, the attorney is here to help you deal with the law. But all of the other things are your responsibility. Inform yourself. Not every divorce has to end up in court; many things can be done before you get to that point. Make sure that you know what are you dealing with, that way you will maximize your chances of success.
Men are just as vulnerable and gentle as women; they just demonstrate their pain in different ways. Don’t worry, if you cry, if you smash something, if you are feeling scared or confused, it doesn’t mean you are weak. You are even stronger for letting yourself feel instead of hiding behind a mask.
After some time, you will get over it; you just have to keep working on yourself.