Divorce is not a subject that is taken lightly by almost anybody. Research from the CDC shows that the average person spends a minimum of two years thinking about getting a divorce before doing anything about it.
Getting a divorce may have seemed like the answer to your relationship woes, but not all couples continue feeling relieved by their separation.
You may be surprised to learn that many couples think about reconciling after divorce.
What are the chances of getting back together after divorce? Is it successful when divorced couples reconcile? Is it okay to remarry your ex? How many divorced couples get back together?
These are all common questions for couples considering getting back together after a divorce. Keep reading to shed light on the answers.
What is reconciliation?
Simply put, a reconciliation is when two exes want to get back together after a divorce.
There are many reasons why couples consider reconciling after divorce.
Divorcing couple separated in haste
Reuniting the family unit
Hurt feelings caused cloudy decision-making during separation
Genuine love for one another / desire to remarry your ex
Serious issues that pushed a couple apart have now been handled
Breakups trigger psychological distress and a decline in life satisfaction. It isn’t surprising that some couples may want to restore the once happy marriage they shared after losing their family unit.
Can there be reconciliation after divorce?
Absolutely – but the chance of success depends largely on you.
When getting back together after a divorce, remember that you get what you put into your relationship. Both partners must be willing to put effort into rebuilding what has been broken.
The answer to this question also depends on why you broke up in the first place.
Perhaps you have a loving, supportive marriage, but one act of betrayal broke you apart. In this case, it is possible to overcome the hurt and reconcile.
If your issues stem from violence or abuse and these issues have not been corrected, it would not be wise to pursue a romantic relationship.
What are the chances of getting back together after divorce?
When considering getting back together after a divorce, you should take your personality types and past issues into account.
The most common reason people get divorced often involves growing apart, lack of commitment, conflict, and drinking or drug use. Emotional, physical, and online infidelity also play huge roles in marital dissolution.
If your issues came down to a lack of communication or marital boredom, these are easily fixed when reconciling after divorce with a little effort.
However, if your divorce stemmed from a darker place, the chances of successfully reuniting with your ex are probably slimmer.
Whether or not your marriage reconciliation after divorce will be a success has much to do with:
Your willingness to accept the past and move forward
Both partners wanting to re-explore a romantic relationship
A divorcing couple looking at getting back together should know that reunification will not work unless you are both invested. Be committed to taking the time and putting in the effort to build something new and amazing together.
How often do divorced couples reconcile?
How many divorced couples get back together?
A global study published in ‘Lost and Found Lovers’ conducted by the University of Southern California found that of 1000 couples who got back together with a lost love was more than 70% successful in keeping the love alive.
Furthermore, of the couples who married and subsequently divorced, 6% happily remarried!
The chances of reconciliation after divorce are as good as you make them.
When it comes to marriage reconciliation after divorce, we think 70% sounds like an excellent reason to give your relationship another try.
There are many lessons that can be learned from an online marriage course that makes reconciling after divorce much easier.
9. Choose to forgive
When reconciling after divorce, old issues are bound to come up. How you handle those issues will decide whether getting back together is going to be successful.
When you refuse to forgive your partner, you are essentially putting a wall between you. Research indicates the inability to forgive can also contribute to poor mental health.
Forgiveness takes strength, and you will need that strength to rebuild your broken marriage.
10. Look for the good in each other
Successful reconciling after divorce is all about growth.
If you think of something that you love about your partner, don’t keep it to yourself! Studies show that parents who express gratitude experience a boost in relationship satisfaction, enhanced commitment, and greater intimacy.
Think of the things that held you back in your marriage. What decisions could you have made to change things?
Self-expansion is an excellent way to boost your self-esteem and continue to grow as a person, partner, parent, and friend.
Also watch: Skills for healthy romantic relationships.
12. Leave the past behind you
If you want a successful divorce reconciliation, it’s important to learn to let go.
Once you’ve worked past the issues that led to your divorce, try and leave the past where it belongs.
Dredging up old problems or throwing past betrayals in your partner’s face is a sure-fire way to halt any progress you’re making as a new couple.
13. Put off intimacy
Couples getting back together should remember that Oxytocin is a great love booster when trying to reconnect with your partner. Oxytocin increases trust between partners, may boost fidelity in men, and reduces stress.
But that doesn’t mean you have to jump into bed together.
Having sex should be an expression of your love and commitment to each other, not something you do because it’s familiar or exciting.
Oxytocin is released during sexual intimacy, but that isn’t the only trigger for this love hormone.
Instead of being sexually intimate, choose other avenues of oxytocin-releasing intimacy, such as holding hands, embracing, and snuggling together.
14. Do something new together
The chances of getting back together after divorce will be higher if you devote quality time to your spouse.
Studies suggest that shared activities promote marital satisfaction. Doing something new with your spouse can make your relationship feel more exciting and bond you as a couple.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.