Many people fear marriage counseling because they think that somehow they will be blamed and made out to be the “bad one” or the one with the most problems in the relationship.
Good marriage counseling means that there are no bad guys or one person that is the one with all the problems.
There are no Angels and no Devils in marriage counseling. The agenda in marriage counseling is:
1. How well do you really know each other or yourself?
We need each person to understand themselves and their partner better and how you and your partner work and function in a relationship.
Together you will create a shared vision of your relationship.
2. How well do you fight?
We need a plan for the couple on how they will approach and resolve conflict in a fair and just way.
There is usually one person who likes to talk it all through and one person who avoids conflict and in counseling, we need to address and get each partner comfortable with a plan on how to resolve conflicts.
3. Learning how to take care of each other and get our needs met
Do you know what your partner needs and wants from you?
When is the last time you asked? We mostly complain about what we are not getting so in marriage counseling we teach you how to clearly state your needs and requests rather than complaining and blaming.
4. We talk about deal breakers
Every couple has deal breakers like cheating, trust, how to handle family or money. We talk about it all and find out where each partner’s boundaries and deal breakers are and try to negotiate so each partner feels safe and heard.
5. Healing old hurts
We all come to the marriage with old hurts from our past before we even met our spouse and then we usually experience some hurts in the relationship as well.
In marriage counseling, we sort out which hurts are which and work on healing all of the hurts from the past and in the relationship as they are connected.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.