Men, in general, aren’t too keen on talking about their feelings. But if your husband is so beyond that, to the point that he’s in full denial or out of touch with his feelings, you could be married to a narcissist. This is just one of many possible signs.
What is a narcissist? Basically, they are very vain and only really focus on themselves, even at the cost of their most close relationships; psychologists call it Narcissistic Personality Disorder and also say it is a spectrum disorder that can vary in severity.
How to know if your husband is a narcissistic person? There are certain signs and symptoms that a narcissistic spouse exhibits. When you find that your partner displaying the signs of a narcissistic husband is when you know he has a narcissistic personality disorder.
Here are some signs of a narcissist husband and what to do about it:
Your husband doesn’t seem to care
He doesn’t care about your feelings or put effort into understanding you. This is one of the biggest signs your husband is a narcissist.
Narcissists are typically so interested in themselves, they can’t even see others around them. Unfortunately, that includes you. But the reason they are so into themselves is really a mask.
Classic narcissists may seem self-confident, but it’s all an act. Inside they are completely self-conscious. That’s why they puff themselves up and put so much attention to their accomplishments.
So don’t take it personally. Have good family and friends around you who care about your feelings and give you the emotional support you need if your husband is a narcissistic person.
Your husband puts you down
When your husband is a narcissist he will constantly belittle or criticize you. We all tend to get a little nitpicky in marriage, but this is different.
Still contemplating “Is my husband a narcissist”?
If your husband keeps on making attempts to make himself look better, and puts you and others around you down, then yes, he is.
Try this visualization every time they direct criticism towards you: their words are bubbles, and they simply bounce off you and float away.
While they are trying to jab at you with words, remember that they are just that—words. It’s your choice whether or not you let them into your mind and heart. And words from a narcissist can be especially brutal and untrue. Don’t believe them.
Your husband stretches the truth or lies
Typically a narcissist does this in order to make themselves look better. So if your husband is a narcissist and he tells you a story about something that happened at work, for example, take it with a grain of salt.
It is most likely embellished to leave out negative things about them and include more positives about them than actually occurred.
We all stretch the truth a bit, but flat out lying is unacceptable. You need to set some boundaries and make it clear that you will not allow lying. Your husband will protest and argue that he wasn’t lying, even though you both know he did.
Your husband doesn’t take responsibility
That is unless there is a big accomplishment! But if your husband won’t ever admit if he’s wrong, then he may be a narcissist.
How to know if you are married to a narcissist?
If you find him always saying “I didn’t do it,” or totally blame someone else when something bad happens, then your husband is a narcissist. He will do anything to get the negative attention off him and puff him up as someone truly great.
Try to stress that they aren’t a lesser person and that we all make mistakes. But if your husband is a true narcissist, even knowing this won’t change their behavior. You may need to accept that you can’t change them.
Your husband is jealous and competitive
This includes being jealous and competitive with you and just about everyone else—even your children. If you are still wondering how to tell if he’s a narcissist then this trait is the most significant indicator.
If your husband is a narcissist, try to explain that it’s not a competition; there is room for everyone’s accomplishments. If your husband is jealous of your accomplishments or of you spending time with other people, try to help them see the benefits for them.
“You are the best for letting me go out. While I’m gone you will have time to do what you want.” Pointing out what is in it for them is always attractive to a narcissist. This will hopefully deflect their need to exert their control over the situation.
Also, watch this video on how to deal with a jealous partner:
Your husband makes you question yourself
Over time living with a narcissist’s behavior, it may be hard to deflect all the lying, criticism, jealousy, and uncaring. If your husband is a narcissist just remember that he is living in his own reality and trying to pull you into it. Don’t fall for it.
In the meantime, you must do all you can to take care of your own well-being. One good method to sort things out is to go to counseling. It’s unlikely your husband will go, but at least ask. Either way, you should definitely go. A trained counselor will help you get through all the muck you feel you are in and find ways to deal with day to day life when your husband is a narcissist.
Your husband is abusive (physically, verbally, etc).
Unfortunately, if your husband is a narcissist, narcissism can escalate to this point. If this is the case, you simply cannot put up with it. Seek outside help and get out of the situation as soon as possible.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.