You realize that you enjoyed working in the office with co-workers socializing and completing work goals. Working outside of the home broke up the monotony, and the amount of time you spent at work, and home.
Leisure activities were completed outside of the house as well. When the stay at home orders took effect, you thought that the safer homestay orders would last three to four months.
Now you think the pandemic will last forever. You become uneasy about the lack of control in your life.
You do not have an outlet outside of your home because you are high risk and are quarantined. You suddenly realize you are depressed, and everything your partner does seems to annoy you. This leads to inevitable relationship challenges.
You question, why did I get married?
Here are relationship problems and solutions to help you deal with the situation:
Be mindful of these cognitive distortions (thinking errors)
Overthinkers tend to see things as either Black or White, which leads to problems in the relationship. You are going over an extreme thought repeatedly in your head. You cannot act with this type of repetition.
Something as simple as your spouse taking walks and going for a drive each day for self-care to get more sun and boost their mood may look like this, for example, My spouse goes for walks and drives. Therefore, she cannot possibly still be in love with me.
2. Black and white thinking
You both either eat dinner together, or the marriage is over.
With Black and White, you are limited. You cannot see the grey area. You look at opposite extremes causing relationship problems. The grey area is necessary to negotiate, compromise, and see things from another point of view.
Your partner will be off from work at 5 pm. They are always off at 5 pm. When in reality, they get off at 6 pm today. You made dinner plans for 5:30 pm.
For example, your partner knows you are watching this show. Mind reading is another form of assumption.
Consider the evidence by asking questions to determine the facts. Let your spouse know your needs for dealing with relationship problems before they creep up.
How to solve relationship problems
Below are some tips for how to solve love marriage problems:
Know your physical symptoms
Some of the signs that you are in emotional distress and need to plan, and process ways to decompress are as under:
Decrease in sleep
You may experience overwhelming feelings. You and your partner are trying to stay focused on work while having only one office area. One of you may be completing work at the kitchen table, or in the bedroom.
Make your working space as conducive to work as possible. Add charm that suits your personal needs in your work environment.
Possible additions to the room may include candles, diffusers, a humidifier for moist air, plants for life and color, greenery, a lamp for comfortable lighting, background music that creates relaxation, a waterfall for tranquility, or a comfortable chair for long hours of sitting.
Watch your impulse reactions
Be mindful of your trigger reactions of yelling, name-calling, and your tone to avoid relationship problems.
One piece of advice on relationship problems is to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth. A slip of the tongue may lead to lifelong consequences and hurt. Choose your words to express how you are feeling at the moment.
This sharing and vulnerability are a healthy form of intimacy when you and your partner feel safe.
Take time outs
Stepping away from situations concerning de-escalation, shifting gears to decrease overwhelming emotions, and removing yourself for a period to calm down may be beneficial to reset.
You and your partner can schedule time away to attend to self in a different area of the home.
This may include reading, music, exercising, baths, writing, cooking, gardening, zoom or video time with friends, social distance outings, and any other individual project. It is essential to respect your spouse’s space and self-care time.
The refreshing video below discusses how to develop self-care in our daily lives. It says you are a human being, and that is enough to warrant compassion and kindness. Listen further:
Remember, nothing lasts forever. Although, there is the uncertainty of when the pandemic concerns will end. Remember, nothing lasts forever.
There are always ways of working through relationship problems.
Remember when you met your partner. Remember what you liked about your partner, what you enjoyed doing together, what you did to create excitement about your partner before the pandemic, the dreams you had before the pandemic, and the goals you will set now.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Janelle is an experienced Licensed Professional Counselor, she established Life Balance Counseling private practice in Aurora, Colorado August 2011. She works with a vast population. She specializes in anxiety, grief, loss, ADHD, and relationship conflict. She guides clients so they may achieve balance in their lives by accessing resources, fostering healthy relationships, managing stress, using healthy coping skills, sustaining self-worth, and value. She completed her masters degree in Counseling from Regis University. She is a member of the American Counseling Association, Rho Upsilon Chi- Chi Sigma Iota, and the Colorado Black Chamber of Commerce.
(Janelle Johnson is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Aurora)