Gender Roles in Relationships- Why Choose Option A?

In recent days a short video clip has taken social media by storm and earned the status of one of the most viewed posts. It throws light on gender roles in relationships and the prevailing issues.

In the video, a young man is being told by an off-screen voice: “because of the COVID-19 exposure, you need to be quarantined.

But you have a choice:

A. quarantine at home with your wife and kid B…”

Before the voice even says what the option B is, the man responds without hesitation: “B, definitely B.”

Hundreds of thousands of people watched the video and found it extremely funny. There were different versions recorded by others and circulating on YouTube.

Gender roles and inequality

Gender inequality in a marriage made me sad. What does it say about our society?

Are the gender roles in relationships justified?

It appears that years after the so-called women’s movement and talking about equality, not much changed regarding gender roles in relationships.

Women are still thought to be responsible for taking care of kids and family. These are the roles of a wife apart from careers and earning money.

Men can, at best, help out with “domestic work,” but they don’t have to worry about it. It will be taken care of, no matter what.

The typical society defines the role of a husband to just go out for work and earn money. It also portrays men as irresponsible brats that care only about their own comfort and pleasures.

I don’t think any of those pictures are accurate and bring more harm than good to people’s minds.

The need to revise gender roles in relationships

I live in a small community and can see many examples of dads spending quality time with children and families. I see couples playing together outside, men shopping, walking kids to school, teaching them sports, or everyday activities.

Why are we still perpetuating the old image of a man self-absorbed in his world and disliking anything that relates to domestic life, family, love, and attachment?

Why do we continue telling men that they don’t like being with the people they love? That they would rather spend time drinking beer with buddies than actively participate in the lives of their own children and spouses.

Why do we continue to create the division between “them” and “us”?

I am afraid I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I know that this kind of stereotypical portrayal of our society is not suitable for young couples that I often see in my practice.

The need to promote equal partnership in marriage

Recently I worked with a young man who was going through a challenging time in his marriage related to infidelity and loss of faith in his wife and his family life. His main concern was not how to learn to trust her again.

He didn’t know how to explain to his buddies that he decided to stay in the marriage rather than “be a man and kick her out.” He worried about his image as a man, not about his relationship and his family.

I remember working with another man who wanted to take paternity leave and stay at home with his first newborn but was terrified of a reaction from his friends. He had no idea how to tell them that his wife will be a breadwinner, and he will run the household and take care of the child.

We have gendered feelings; we have gendered activities, responsibilities, likes, and dislikes; we have gendered pretty much everything in our world.

And it makes some sense; men and women are different; there is no discussion about it. But we are also very similar in many ways.

The more we focus on differences, the more we hurt both sides.

As we are supporting gender equality in today’s times there is also a need to promote equal partnership in marriage, despite gender.

Also, for a happy marriage, you can avoid some common relationship mistakes. Watch the following video to learn more about those mistakes and ways to avoid them.

Rise above gender roles in relationships

If we continue telling young boys to “man up and stop crying,” be tough and strong, and don’t “play like girls,” we make them confused and sad when they don’t measure up to those images.

We make them believe that there is something wrong with them because they feel soft and emotional sometimes.

We teach them that playing with dolls and cooking with their mum is worth much less than driving a little car or running around with a plastic gun.

If we continue telling girls to be nice and pretty rather than smart and curious because men don’t like smart girls, again we maintain the picture that doesn’t apply to every girl in the world.

We make them question who they are and what is wrong with them because they are different.

I think young people face enough problems today by finding their own identity and own way in the world.

But now, the traditional gender roles have changed; the traditional family structure needs to be changed as well.

We don’t need to add any extra stress by keeping to a rigid definition of a man and a woman in society. There is nothing to be gained from making fun of each other.

The time has come, where we need to respect relationships more than getting entangled in the stereotypical gender roles in relationships.