Marrying a Younger Woman: The Pros and the Cons

You have met the love of your life.  She is everything you have always dreamed of in a partner:  vibrant, beautiful, clever, funny and, most importantly, she looks at you with love and admiration.  

She is also significantly younger than you.

Today, straddling the age divide doesn’t raise too many eyebrows.  Society has become used to seeing older men courting and marrying women young enough to be their daughters.  

Donald Trump and Melania, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. Whether for love, financial security, or both, these May – December romances are now commonplace.  

What are some of the advantages of marrying a younger woman?

1. The obvious benefit:  Her youthful vim and vigor

Her energy and lust for life will, in all likelihood, transfer over to you, the older man.  This has a positive effect on your health and well-being.  Your younger wife will not be content to sit around at home binge-watching the latest series on Netflix.  

She will get you up and out of your armchair and back out into the world.  Before, your weekends weren’t very exciting.  Now, she wants you to go rock out at Coachella with her, and why not book a trek in the Himalayas?  

Her enthusiasm to explore and discover the world is contagious, making you see and experience things with fresh eyes.

2. She’s incredibly attractive

You will be the envy of all your peers (your male friends, at least!) and gain their admiration.   Your libido, which you had thought long-dormant, has awakened, and you are re-experiencing what it was like to be 14 years old.  

3. You will keep up with new trends

Just when you got the hang of using a computer, along came this woman.   Now you are tweeting, instagramming, and Snapchatting.   You have a virtual life that is 100 times more vibrant than the life you were living before you met your wife.  

Your kids—heck, your grandkids—can’t believe how up-to-date you are on new technologies.  You are keeping your brain active and engaged as you master the latest in 21st-century apps and software.   

4. You will have a chance to be a father

With a fertile younger woman, you’ll have the possibility to experience fatherhood (again, if you already have children).  This opportunity to parent together can be an incredible life and relationship-deepening experience.   Becoming a father at a later age can also provide you with an opportunity to stay young and active.

What are some of the disadvantages of marrying a younger woman?

1. She might get bored with you

Sure, you offer financial security.  But sometimes you need to go to bed earlier than she’d like. You can’t run that marathon that she is competing in, and you have no interest in keeping up with the Kardashians.  

You may worry that she’s not happy doing some of these energy intensive activities on her own, or worry that she isn’t actually on her own. You physically can’t offer her what a man her age can. 

As Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology, explains:

For a relationship to work, partners need to have similar values and lifestyles.

A relationship with a younger woman may appear attractive in the early stages, but over time, you might realize that you’re simply in different phases of life, and your needs do not align.

After a while together, you might realize that because of your differences, she grows bored with you. 

2. You might get bored with her

As incredible as this may sound to you now, in the future, you may find yourself bored with your young wife.  Your shared cultural references are not the same.  Your musical tastes differ greatly. She’s on her iPhone all the time and has no desire to read a physical book.  She probably has little idea how to budget her money.

Her immaturity can become annoying.  You may find yourself longing for someone of your generation with whom you can reminisce about “the good old days” and what it was like to pick up the Sunday paper and do the crossword puzzle together.

3. You can get uncomfortable with the other’s perception of your relationship

Are people looking at you two and wondering if she is your daughter?  Do they think you are only with her because she’s in the blush of youth and amazing looking?  Do you fear they think that you are her sugar daddy, that she is only with you for your money?  

4. Younger men present a threat

While you know your wife loves you; you constantly have a little voice in your head telling you that one day she is going to cheat on you with someone in better shape, with more stamina, whose hair hasn’t gone grey, and whose six-pack abs can be seen through his tight t-shirt.  

For the first time in your life, you are insecure about your ability to keep your wife happy. You find yourself feeling jealous, and this is affecting your relationship.

5. Having a younger wife makes you feel older

You wanted a younger wife so you could feel young.  But actually, it makes you feel old. Really old. When you were first dating, her high energy and bubbly nature rubbed off on you, and it was easy to keep up with her as you rode the adrenaline rush.  

She made you feel young again, and you loved that feeling.  But now, some time has passed, and the unavoidable signs of aging cannot be ignored.

You are out with her friends, and you realize that you are the only one in the group who remembers where you were when JFK was shot because her friends were not even born then.  

Meanwhile, your set of friends are planning their retirements, complaining about paying for their kids’ college fees, and thinking about getting hair implants.  

It occurs to you that marrying a younger woman didn’t magically make the clock turn back.   Being with a younger woman actually has made you realize that you aren’t, in fact, immortal.  

Overall, regardless of the age difference, all relationships are the same.  If your relationship is based on love, trust, and good communication, you and your younger wife will be just like any other happy couple.  Enjoy each other; that is the most important thing.

Dr. Jacobsen says:

Ultimately, you need to find a relationship that works for you, in which you share similar values, goals, and dreams with your partner.